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Marriage Therapists Say These 6 Things Can Slowly Kill A Marriage

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Watch out for these silent relationship threats.

Forget about infidelity or lying to your spouse about your finances: there are other, less-talked behaviors that are just as destructive to a marriage ― and you and your partner are probably guilty of some of them.

Below, marriage therapists share six behaviors that can silently kill a marriage.

Spending time together as a couple is important, but don’t let your friendships fall to the wayside in favor of yet another night of takeout and Netflix. It’s unrealistic to depend on your S.O. to fulfill all your socialization needs; giving each other space by heading out for girl’s night out or a meetup with the guys could do your marriage some good, said Ryan Howes, a psychologist in Pasadena, California.

“It’s so important for both of you to build and sustain friendships with others,” he said. “Through your friends, you can gain other experiences, perspectives and support that may actually enhance your relationship. You have to have confidants outside the relationship.”

If you rarely reach out and touch each other ― or have reached the point where you only have “special occasion sex” (birthdays, anniversaries and vacations) ―it may be time to address the elephant in the bedroom: You’re well on your way to asexless, passionless marriage, said Debra Campbell, a psychologist and couple’s therapist in Melbourne, Australia.

“You don’t have to be having sex every day, but some kind of near-daily sexual or erotic acknowledgement is important in relationships,” she said. “It might be the slightest touch; it’s not always about orgasms and getting hot and sweaty.”

In a long-time relationship, Campbell said, partners need to remind each other that they’re still wanted.

“You need to know that nobody else in your partner’s life is their chosen lover or compares to you.”

While it’s important to maintain close friendships, surrounding yourself with thewrong type of friends could negatively affect the health of your relationship, saidLaura Heck, a marriage and family therapist in Salt Lake City, Utah and the creator of the online couples therapy series forBetter.

“Your friend’s actions are actively influencing your marriage, whether you realize it or not,” she said. “In private, do your friends complain or vent their frustrations about their partner? Do your friends flirt or hit on others behind their partner’s back? Bad relationships and boundaries are toxic and are actively at play in changing your own habits.”

On the other hand, surrounding yourself with married people who practice healthy boundaries can benefit you and your partner, Heck said.

“You need to take inventory of the relationships in your inner circle and be intentional about how you choose to allow these relationships to influence your mindset, for better or for worse,” she said.

When your spouse is responsible for the lion’s share of the laundry and cleaning, it’s bound to create resentment and hinder your connection. In fact, a 2015 study from the University of Alberta found that couples who didn’t split chores had less relationship satisfaction and less sex than couples who divvied up their chores.

As Howes has seen firsthand, the question of who’s tidying up may not be a big issue at the start of a relationship but it tends to become a major point of contention later on.

“It doesn’t matter if you’re the clean one or the messy one, what matters is whether or not the clean partner can flex and the messy partner can clean up once in a while,” he said. “Resentments can build over time so it pays to have an honest discussion about your priorities regarding the orderliness of your home.”

Thoughtful, engaging communication ― not just “how was your day, babe?” and “what are our plans this weekend”? ― is essential for love to last, said Liz Higgins, a Dallas, Texas-based couples therapist who works primarily with millennials.

“Having intentional conversations about your relationship means asking deeper, more open-ended questions: ‘What did we do well at as a couple today?’ ‘What is something I did today to contribute to our relationship?’ ‘What is something I can do for you?’ ‘When did you feel the most connected with or loved by me today?’” Higgins explained.

Broaching these kinds of conversations may feel a little awkward at first, but over time, you’ll see the value.

“I encourage the couples I work with to implement time once a week to come together and talk solely about their relationship,” she said. “Once you start, you’ll notice it often bypasses the need to get defensive, angry or disconnected with one another.”

Roommate syndrome is a silent but common relationship killer, Heck said. When you’ve reached roommate status, you feel like you’re living parallel lives, connected only through your shared space, bank accounts and kids.

“When you’ve fallen into the lock-step of living as roommates, you must be very intentional about shaking up your routine and bringing back the fire and passion to the relationship,” Heck said.

To inject some novelty into the relationship, Heck recommends couples make a concerted effort to spend time together by working on a passion project as a team.

“It needs to be something both partners have energy and excitement around,” she said. “Maybe it’s flipping and remodeling a home, starting Crossfit together, finally take that RV out on the weekends or learning to cook vegan. Figure out what works for the two of you and then do it.”

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Please Read–Warning Signs of a Stroke

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Stroke has a new indicator! They say if you forward this to ten people, you stand a chance of saving one life. Will you send this along? Blood Clots/Stroke – They Now Have a Fourth Indicator, the Tongue.

During a BBQ, a woman stumbled and took a little fall – she assured everyone that she was fine and she said she had just tripped over a brick because of her new shoes.

They got her cleaned up and got her a new plate of food. While she appeared a bit shaken up, Jane went about enjoying herself the rest of the evening.

Jane’s husband called later telling everyone that his wife had been taken to the hospital – (at 6:00 PM Jane passed away.) She had suffered a stroke at the BBQ. Had they known how to identify the signs of a stroke, perhaps Jane would be with us today. Some don’t die. They end up in a helpless, hopeless condition instead.

It only takes a minute to read this.

A neurologist says that if he can get to a stroke victim within 3 hours he can totally reverse the effects of a stroke…totally. He said the trick was getting a stroke recognized, diagnosed, and then getting the patient medically cared for within 3 hours, which is tough.

Affairs and how to recover from it. Ain’t You Tired?

IDENTIFYING A STROKE

Read and Learn!
Sometimes symptoms of a stroke are difficult to identify. Unfortunately, the lack of awareness spells disaster. The stroke victim may suffer severe brain damage when people nearby fail to recognize the symptoms of a stroke.
Now doctors say a bystander can recognize a stroke by asking three simple questions:
S *Ask the individual to SMILE.

T *Ask the person to TALK and SPEAK A SIMPLE SENTENCE (Coherently) (i.e. Chicken Soup)
R *Ask him or her to RAISE BOTH ARMS.

If he or she has trouble with ANY ONE of these tasks, call emergency number immediately and describe the symptoms to the dispatcher.

New Sign of a Stroke ——– Stick out Your Tongue

NOTE: Another ‘sign’ of a stroke is this: Ask the person to ‘stick’ out their tongue. If the tongue is ‘crooked’, if it goes to one side or the other that is also an indication of a stroke.

A cardiologist said that if everyone who gets this message shared it with 10 people; you can bet that at least one life will be saved.

I have done my part. Will you?
Please share this link on your Facebook wall. It could save a life.

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24 Hours Across Africa

Tanzania: officials summons WHO over Ebola claims

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Tanzania’s government has summoned the World Health Organisation’s local representative over claims that they’re concealing information on Ebola virus infections in the country.

On Saturday, WHO said in a statement that it had learned of one suspected fatal case in the main city, Dar es Salaam, and two other infections but, despite repeated requests, was given no information.

Last week, Tanzania said it had no confirmed or suspected cases of Ebola.

Government spokesman Hassan Abbasi said on Twitter that the ministry of foreign affairs had summoned the WHO’s Tigest Ketsela Mengestu to obtain “in-depth details from the agency on reports circulating in the media”.

A short video clip has also been posted on the ministry’s Twitter account, showing Dr Tigest clarifying at a meeting with Deputy Minister for Foreign Affairs Damas Ndumbaro that the WHO did not say there was Ebola in Tanzania:

Social embed from twitter

ForeignTanzania@foreigntanzania

WHO rejects claims to issue a statement on existence of Ebola in Tanzania.

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More than 2,100 people have died during the current Ebola outbreak in neighbouring Democratic Republic of Congo.

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