page contents
Connect with us

Health & Lifestyle

9 Things guys secretly hate about sex with the woman on top

Published

on

What’s your favorite sex position? That’s the first question I ask women on dates, which is why all of my dates end after one question. There are so many great sex positions to choose from: missionary, cowgirl, doggystyle, the butter churner, the wheelbarrow, the pretzel. There’s even sex positions inspired by the epic fantasy series Game of Thrones, if you’re interested in “bending the knee” (and I know you are).
However, there’s one sex position a lot of guys don’t like: when the woman’s on top. I mean, we want women to be on top, like, in general. Smash that glass ceiling! We just don’t want you to be on top in the bedroom. So leave that glass ceiling in the bedroom in perfect condition. No smashing! Especially while we’re smashing. Don’t smash while we smash. Got it? Cool.



Here are nine things guys secretly hate about sex with the woman on top:

1. His penis might snap.

Yes, penis snapping is a thing. It’s also known as “penile fracture,” “broken dick” or “OWWWWWWW WHAT THE F—K?!” See, much like the Internet, a penis is a series of tubes. When a man gets aroused, blood rushes into the tubes, making his penis hard. But what, if like Anakin Skywalker, the erect penis experiences the wrong “force”? Say, if it hits the woman’s perineum? No, that’s not a flower. It’s the area between her anus and vulva. And trust me – it does not smell like a flower. Anyway, if the dude hits the wrong place while thrusting, it can result in pressure overload. The supporting tissue can’t take it, and there’s a rupture. A doctor in a Men’s Health article compares it to “sticking in a pin in a blown up balloon.” (Yeesh.) And what is the most likely sex position, in which this secario could happen? When the woman’s on top.



2. Hair gets in his mouth.

If a woman got long hair, and doesn’t tie it back, it causes a ton of problems. Her hair tickles the guy’s face, making him laugh. Her hair gets in his mouth, grossing him out. Her hair pokes his eyeballs, making him cringe. This is why nobody wants to bone Rapunzel.

3. He’s in a vulnerable position.

When the woman’s on top, she’s in the position of power. She can do whatever she wants, and what if she wants to murder you? What if she wants to rob you? What if she’s crazy? To quote George Carlin, “Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid.” I’m so stupid I thought that quote helped my argument!
4. He can’t see dat ass.

To quote one of America’s greatest poets, Sir Mix-A-Lot: “I like big butts and I cannot lie / You other brothers can’t deny / That when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist / And a round thing in your face You get sprung.” If the girl’s on top, the man can’t see her round thing, and he’ll never get sprung! Never!

5. He gets elbowed in the chest.

When the woman’s on top, she might try to get leverage by pushing against the man’s chest. And what if she has bony elbows? The man’s chest will be bruised, and when he goes to the beach and his friends ask what happened, he’ll have to lie and say, “I fell down some stairs.” And what if she pushes his chest with her hands? That’s like CPR, and there’s nothing sexy about CPR. I took a class once. Those CPR dummies were fours at best.
6. It messes up the rhythm.

Since guys are used to being on top, they’re used to setting the pace. They’ve got the rhythm down. It’s like a beautiful song by Beyoncé. But the woman’s not used to being on top. She might not be able to set the pace, and it’ll screw up the rhythm. It will be like Beyoncé’s kids, Blue Ivy, Sir and Umi running around the house banging pots and pans. Not romantic.

7. She wants to grind instead of the old ‘in and out.’

There’s three things all women like: Disney princesses, chocolate ice cream and grinding. If the woman’s on top, she’s just going to want to grind, because it gives her ladyparts clap emojiis. But guys don’t get ecstasy from grinding – they get ecstasy from going in and out. Grinding and in-and-out just don’t mix. It’s like Spider-Man joining the Justice League.

8. He’s going to make a mess on himself.

Here’s the most disgusting physics question ever: If the woman’s on top, and the man finishes, based on their positions, where is the fluid going to go? Consult the laws of spermodynamics, and you’ll find the answer: Right on the man’s stomach, and it might even dribble into his belly button, if he’s an innie. That’s just gross. Meanwhile, when the man’s on the top, the mess just gets on the woman. Everybody wins.

9. His head might slam into the headboard.

If the woman gets too excited while “riding the dragon,” the man’s head might slam into the headboard. That’s no fun. Nobody wants a concussion. What am I, an NFL player?

That’s nine air-tight reasons why the woman should never be on top during sex. Actually, we probably only needed one reason, the penis snapping one. That still gives me nightmares. Anyway, if you want to find out what the most popular sex positions is, check out this article.

Health & Lifestyle

Climate change forces El Paso to make treated sewage water turn into drinking water

Published

on

As the global climate changes and water becomes an increasingly scarce resource, a number of cities such as India, Australia has earlier express their concern to reduce water shortage.



The authorities has disclosed to her citizens stating that “What we are seeing is a systematic increase in temperature, so we’re seeing the snow-melt runoff earlier…and more rapid melt than average. And again, for a given level of snow-pack, less runoff actually reaching the river and reaching our reservoir.

IMG-20180912-WA0030

However, in a bid to mitigate the water shortages,  El Paso is set to become one of the first cities in the US to treat sewage water and turn it into drinking water.

Chief technical officer of El Paso Water, Mr Gilbert Trejo said that the facility to treat sewage water with multiple steps of filtration such as carbon and UV filtration to make sure no pathogens or microbes are present.

FOLLOW US ON:
 INSTAGRAMLINKEDINYOUTUBETWITTER & FACEBOOK

Adding that It will help to solve a major supply problem in the city and what’s more, some locals even say it tastes better.

TO DOWNLOAD OUR MOBILE NEWS APP CLICK HERE
WATCH RUSSIA 2018 HIGHLIGHTS HERE

Continue Reading

Food & Cuisine

Satellites warn African farmers of pest parasitic diseases

Published

on

Prof Charlotte Watts, chief scientific adviser for the UK’s Department for International Development, which funds the plant doctor scheme, says a new initiative with CABI and the UK Space Agency (UKSA) will use the network to prevent, rather than just reduce infestations.



When speaking to the newsmen, she expressed that the idea is to use satellite data collected by the UKSA to develop a system that is able to predict when pest infestations will strike a week or more in advance.

IMG-20180912-WA0030

It is also designed to inform the farmers through mobile phone alert for them to take precautions, adding that it will help boost farmers incomes and mitigate poverty rate.

FOLLOW US ON:
 INSTAGRAMLINKEDINYOUTUBETWITTER & FACEBOOK

The modern forecast is being used in Kenya, Ghana and Zambia and will be rolled out soon to other part of the world.

TO DOWNLOAD OUR MOBILE NEWS APP CLICK HERE
WATCH RUSSIA 2018 HIGHLIGHTS HERE

 

Continue Reading

Facebook

Advertisement
Advertisement

Trending

Copyright © 2018 Anttention Media. All rights reserved