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I Caught My Partner Cheating : 4 Powerful Walk Through Guides

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I Caught My Partner Cheating : A Walk Through Guide is an article many require to help them navigate murky relationship waters. It isn’t strange to receive those random messages from individuals torn apart by the fact that their partner was cheating. They just caught their partner right at this very moment cheating. WHAT DO I DO NEXT? As a case study, we will use one that was really touching because it was enough to lose hope in humanity.

Question: Good evening to anyone reading. My first name is _ and i am a Fashion designer. I am married with 3 kids. My husband and i dated for 4 years and had our first son together before finally getting married. My siblings and parents told me they did not trust his intentions towards me but i went ahead and married him anyways. My best friend encouraged me all the way throughout the rocky periods. She had my back and went with me to my parents the day i finally had to inform them my mind was made up. My husband and i finally got married and we are 6 years strong in the marriage.

My husband is a great father and became my greatest confidant after marriage. Today while at my kids inter-house sports day with him, he went to participate in some games with our son and left his phone on the seat face down. It kept on vibrating consistently and i had to pick it up. It was his alarm. I clicked on the dismissed and got curious when i noticed he didnt have any network bars on his device. I checked my phones and they all had bars especially since we both used the same network. Though his phone was locked, i could swipe to the function keys and noticed it was on airplane mode. On turning off the mode, messages began pouring in and one in particular caught my attention. The number wasn’t saved but a “call me when you’re done with daddy duty” message caught my attention because it was followed up by another message that read “because theres big daddzy duty to be attended to. I took a picture of the message and turned on the airplane mode. When my husband came back he kissed me and my son hugged me as they had taken second place. My husband sensing that something was off, picked up his phone and the moment he saw it was still on airplane mode, he relaxed. I then asked if i could use his phone to call my mum. He said sure and casually picked it up. On opening it up he took some time before handing it over. On handing over the phone to me, it dawned on me he had deleted the message and a couple of others.

I waited until i got home. I hid my number and called the number that sent the message. The voice on the other end was my best friend. I then decided to quickly put other things in action after which I confronted my husband 4 days after and he denied it. I then showed him the messages i had taken a screenshot of and proceeded to inform him that i knew it was my best friend. This was when he broke down and told me their affair began the same year he met me. He then told me that they had been having an affair for as long as our marriage had lasted. My friend was a single mum and after i  heard her voice i went to her house and spent time with her and her son at a time i took some strands of hair from her son and then took my husbands hair for a DNA test. it was a 98.9% match. He was the father. I then asked him who the father of the boy was. He lied about this as well and i showed him the proof. Afterwards, i confronted my friend who said she was sorry and then quickly moved out of her house a week afterwards. I am broken, i feel lost and with these children i have for him, i suddenly feel locked down. Please im losing my mind. Ending it all may just be better for me. I am so ashamed of my own existence.

 

The thoughts, confusion and emotions going through her mind was obviously something i witnessed on a daily basis with clients. That was a broken woman who had lost hope in humanity. Her entire world just fell apart. Regardless, there is still positive news in all of this. Firstly, you have amazing children who are yours to train and make exemplary individuals who will not become a source of pain for some other persons child down the line. Secondly, as insensitive as this may sound to you, you will not be the last person to say “i caught my partner cheating” so you will be okay. Before we dive into the points i need us to learn a thing or two about a substance called Oxytocin and it’s role in the affair process.

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OXYTOCIN

Oxytocin is a hormone that serves multiple functions. It is responsible for parents bonding with their babies, and it’s what helps bond a husband and wife. As humans, any time we have a high-oxytocin connection with a person, an increased sense of closeness and connection occurs.

All humans have oxytocin because we were meant to bond with others in our community. As we move from the high-arousal phase of infatuation to the next phase of mature love, the oxytocin levels begin to rise. Women naturally have higher levels of oxytocin. Physical touch and intercourse boost a man’s oxytocin levels and cause him to feel more secure and connected.

It’s when life gets in the way of our continual chemical bonding with our spouse that we become vulnerable.

Vulnerability however does not justify nor explain in totality why an affair happens. Don’t make it an excuse.

However, we must take this in-depth journey in hopes of understanding the bigger picture of why we’ve arrived in this place. Without an understanding which seeks to help the unfaithful spouse identify trigger points and opportunities for relapse, they will never have a steady recovery.

Apologies on the brief distraction but i felt it was a good information to throw in here. So back to the guide.

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This will not kill you

If you are not upset then it signals the existence of more worrisome issues or it could also mean you have already lost interest in the marriage. Which could be one of the reasons there was an affair in the first place. Your anger is normal and you are wondering, what do i do now?

Most people explode and attack their partners raining fire and brimstone on them. For the one who had the affair, they begin to say things they may not be able to live up to.

As strange as this may sound to you, my first advice is;

Do Nothing :

Sorry Temple what did you say. “Do nothing” I said. I need you to understand that this is the period to allow the healing power of time carry you through. What you did after an affair discovery is not what makes you feel better. Its the passage of time that makes you feel better. Some minor activities might help but a bulk of the activities that help you is the patience you exercise. Time has two primary functions, it heals and it reveals. allow it do its work. Anything you do at this very first 3 days or a week after the affair may just be the wrong move. A move that you may need to fix if you later decided to save the marriage.

Hold yourself back from talking to everyone who cares to listen about it. You will be “Pissing in the well” and this could also cause another type of damage. “Did you say damage? damage to me or to the person who cheated ? They cheated because they couldn’t control themselves and now i have to put their feelings into consideration? You know what I’m done reading this!

 

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We both know you aren’t done reading it because it gets more interesting from here onwards. Listen if you do not want to just fix a broken marriage or relationship but rather want to turn it to something else thats brand new, it would be amazing for you to carry out this first step. Sometimes doing nothing makes you look really wise and bellies confusion. When people get confused, they make more mistakes and volunteer more information. Never forget, time is your friend.

Call Up That one Solid, Dependable, Mature, Honest and  Objective Son/daughter of a Gun You Know: 

“Now you want me to call somebody, after im done stewing in pain, dying and coming back to life”?. Yes, its time to call someone. Its 3 days or a whole 1 week later and you have really composed yourself, You have not lashed out, you have not told everyone that your partner had an affair. Your partner is unsure of where your mind is currently at. This is the time to speak to someone who will listen. You may get emotional talking about it, that is totally fine. Speak to them and let them know that the primary reason you are speaking to them is because you need them to be there for you.

If amidst the pain you were able to decide that the marriage needs to be saved, you do not want to go speak to a person who will give you advice on how much of a loser your partner is and how you need to leave the pitiful SOB. Choose really wisely who you decide to speak with.

Seek out a Professional Help closest to you: 

This is a great time to look for a Licensed Marriage and Family therapist closest  to you or online. The professional will help you assess the situation, what led to it, who it affected and assist you with objective guidance at the time. This is not a time to be shy or feel strange about talking to a total stranger about your love life. Infact marital problems that aren’t resolved still end up becoming public discussions that unfortunately do not give you an opportunity to steer the direction or even be there while the narrative is being tendered.

Lastly, Never Contact an Affair Partner

No matter what happens, never contact the affair partner. Most times you see individuals contact the person their partner had an affair with because they needed to tell them what they thought about them. How cheap they are, how much of a terrible person they are and how they need to stay off their partner. Thing is Everyone having an affair with someone’s spouse knows its a cheap act (i do not care about the quality of emotions involved), again anyone having an affair knows its terrible and lastly you shouldn’t be the one telling them to keep off your partner because your partner ought to be revalidating you and informing you of all the measures (Primary and Secondary Boundaries) they have put in place to ensure that this never occurs again.

Chasing after your spouses affair partner isn’t cool (please, its not a movie flick). There is no good to be gotten from it especially if it happens to be one of them ones who have sold their shame and bought a sharp tongue with the proceeds. You can read this article here to understand the mindset of a side-chick/side-guy. Any information you set out to or actually get from the affair partner must be taken with a pinch because if they are complying with you, it doesn’t make them your buddy. Infact if you need them close, it speaks of possibly deeper esteem issues than you might have cared to admit to yourself.

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A good place to begin the journey towards ending infidelity is getting a healthy understanding of boundaries. Here is something free from us.

If you and your partner are currently battling this issues, it would be a great time to begin our affair recovery therapy or come in for an exploratory session with any of our professional therapists.

Written by Obike Temple.

Temple Obike is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author and psychotherapist who has counseled over one thousand, two hundred clients comprising of couples, individuals, abuse victims (substance, physical, emotional and sexual) and grief-stricken clients. With over 70,000 in-counseling minutes (1,000+ hours) accrued in practice. He runs his private psychotherapy & counseling practice out of Lagos, Nigeria and has counseling centers in Abuja and Port-Harcourt. His practice also provides options for both online and on-site services.

His private practice has positively empowered lives through his online counseling, podcasts, free advisory services and free online materials.  Readership of his articles also receive a growing number of visitors alongside subscriptions to his email newsletter at templeobike.com. His passion for empowering and uncovering the secrets to lifelong marriages and personal development led to his new book titled “Soul Bodega” available on amazon and across other online and traditional stores.

Never give up on yourself! You are a journey happening through various destinations.

Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit our website for more info!

 

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HOW TO

200 Couple “Must-Ask” Questions

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200 Couple “Must-Ask” Questions.

Whether you are a new couple, or you’ve been a couple for years and years, we’ve got loads of
questions for couples that will be perfect for getting a great conversation going.
Some questions are more serious than others so have a look through and see which questions for
couples are right for you and your partner. Infact, with the valentine season fast approaching there’s no perfect time to get to know your partner better.

Let’s go!

Getting to know your partner questions
One of the most important things in a relationship is learning about your partner. You can know what to
expect from them and can figure out if you two are a good match.

What’s your ideal way to spend a vacation?
What makes you dislike a person?
Do you think you are a confident person? Why or why not?
What about yourself are you most proud of?
What would the best version of you be like?
What life experiences did you miss out on?
When are you the most “you”?
How did you fall out with some of your previously close friends?
Are you happy with the people you surround yourself with? Why or why not?
What musical instrument do you wish you could play?
When has a mundane occurrence or chance completely changed the course of your life?
What is the nicest compliment you’ve received?
What age would you like to live to?
If you could travel to any country in the world for one month, where would you go?
What is your favorite memory of someone who isn’t in your life anymore?
How superstitious are you?
What has been a recurring theme in your life?
What was your most inappropriate or embarrassing fart?
What do you think happens after death?
What are your top 5 rules for life?
What’s your favorite thing in your / our house?
What book or movie do you wish you could experience for the first time again?
If you had a friend who spoke to you the same way you speak to yourself, would you keep them as a
friend?
What petty thing that people do really gets on your nerves?
What brings meaning to your life?
What is something you wish you could say to people but can’t?
What are some of the most attractive traits a person can have?
What’s a secret you’ve never told anyone?
What small pleasures do you enjoy the most?
Who is the most irritating person you know?
What has been your biggest screw up so far?
What have you struggled with your entire life?
What is the most significant change you would like to make in your life?
What do you want out of life?
What calms you down the most?
What are kinds of things do you find repulsive?
What would your perfect life look like?
If you received a salary to follow whatever passion you wanted to, what would you do?
What’s your most embarrassing story about being sick?
What friend have you not thought about in a long time?
What’s the craziest thing that has happened at a job you worked at?
Who do you act nice around but secretly dislike?
If money was no object, and with no input from me, how would you decorate your / our house?
How good are you at reading people?
Are you hopeful about your future?
Who do you want to be more like or who do you look up to most?
What were the healthiest and unhealthiest periods of your life?
What’s the worst emotional or mental anguish you’ve endured?
What do you like most about where we live?
What do you worry about?
What’s something you screwed up and then tried to hide?
What’s the scariest / creepiest place you have ever been?
Do you think the world is improving or getting worse? Why?
How do you think society is changing? Do you think we’ll change with it?
What’s the worst thing that people are proud of?
What’s the biggest betrayal you have ever experienced?
What would be the greatest gift to receive?
What is something that you are dreading?
What makes you feel super fancy?
What would you want your obituary to say?
What has taken up too much of your life?
What’s the most disheartening and heartening realization you have come to?
What was the hardest lesson you’ve had to learn?
Would you take 3 million dollars if it meant that the person you hate most in the world gets 9 million?
What part of you as a person still needs a lot of work?
What are some words of wisdom that have stuck with you all these years?
How well do you know yourself?
What is your best (not worst) flaw?
How forgiving are you?
Tell me about a time you almost died.
Are you ashamed of anything you did in the past? If you are comfortable talking about it, what was it?
Do you prefer living in the countryside, in a town, or in a big city? Why?
What’s your fondest memory of a tree?
What are some of the most pleasant sensations for you?
Are you happy with the career path you chose or do you wish you had chosen a different career?
What’s the most unethical thing you do regularly?
What is way more difficult than it sounds?
What job do you think you were born to do?
What’s the biggest financial mistake you’ve made?
What makes you lose faith in humanity when you think about it?
What was the most painful thing to hear?
What biases do you think you have?
What are you battling that you don’t tell anyone about?
What luxury do you enjoy treating yourself to?
What do you most like to do when you have alone time?
What is normal now that will be considered unethical and barbaric in 100 years?
When you’re gone when you want to be remembered for?
If there was a horrible accident and you were unconscious and on life support, how long would you
want to be on life support?
Do you believe in good luck and bad luck? How about things that are lucky or unlucky?
If you had a million dollars to give to any charity, what type of charity would you give it to?
What’s something that a lot of people are afraid of, but you aren’t?
If you could open a business what type of business would you open?
What can someone do that makes them immediately unattractive to you, no matter how attractive they
are physically?
What untrue thing did you believe for an incredibly long time?
What were the three most important turning points in your life?
What animal are you most afraid of?
What scandal happened in your neighbor or town when you were growing up?
How well do you think you would handle prison?
What’s the most awkward social situation you’ve been in?
What is something that scares you on a daily basis?
When was the last time you cried?
What’s the most peaceful/restful night of sleep you’ve had?
What’s the most dangerous, thrill-seeking thing you would consider doing?
What’s your biggest regret?
Is it better to trust people or not trust people? And why?
What do you think your best and worst personality traits are?
Who do you miss the most?
What is the hardest life lesson you’ve had to learn?
What do you take for granted?
What’s the most stressful situation you’ve been in? How did you handle it?
What’s the most ambitious thing you’ve attempted?
How often do you change your opinions or how you view the world?
What’s the biggest opportunity you were given?
What is something we should enjoy more because it won’t be around for long?
What’s a question you wish people would ask more often?
What is the saddest thing about your life that nobody knows?
What are you most sentimental about?
Do you think people more people look down on you or up to you? Why?
What question do you most want an answer to?
What are some of the telltale signs of a shallow person?
What do you look forward to most in the day?
If you could instantly learn a talent or skill, what would you want to know how to do?
When is your favorite time of day?
What are the best and worst things about the period of history we are living through?
What’s the most rewarding thing in your daily routine?
What weird thing stresses you out more than it should?
When do you feel like you are really in your element?
How likely are you to believe in conspiracy theories?
What are some alcohol-induced stories of your younger days?
What’s the best way for someone to improve themselves?
What was the most productive time in your life? How about the least productive?
What three words best describe you?
How well do you function under a lot of pressure?
What is your weakness?
What are two of the most important events in your life?
What is something you know is bad for you but you can’t seem to get away from it?
What’s the biggest favor you’ve done for someone?
How does your current morning routine compare to your ideal morning routine?
What brings you the most joy?
What are you purposefully ignoring even though you know you should probably deal with it?
What do you wish you were better at?
Is there anything you did wrong for years and years, only to discover later that you were doing it wrong?

Questions about their family and childhood

When you are looking for relationship questions, it’s always important to ask about family and
childhood. Knowing where your partner came from can help you understand how they are now.

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What is something your parents did or used to do that really embarrassed you?
What small seemingly insignificant thing did your parents, or someone else say when you were a child
that has stuck with you all this time?
What is the best or worst thing you inherited from your parents?
What made you realize that your parents were just human like everyone else?
What habits do you still have from childhood?
What family vacations did you take as a child?
How traditionally “normal” was your family?
Children are often very similar to their parents. How do you want to be different than your parents? And
how do you want to be similar to them?
What school subjects did you like and hate most when you were in school?
What unique game of pretend did you frequently play as a child?
What movie seriously scarred you as a child or as an adult?
What irrational fears did you have as a child?
What toy played the most significant part in your childhood?
What are some of your earliest memories?

Relationship questions
Here are the main questions for couples that deal with the relationship itself. It’s important to be nonjudgmental when asking and answering these questions. It’s not about telling your partner the things
they do wrong or the things you want from them. It’s about working together as a couple to build a
healthy relationship.

What is something I did that you thought was exceptionally kind or thoughtful?
What new hobbies or activities would you like to try together as a couple?
What’s our greatest strength as a couple?
What could we do to make our relationship stronger?
What is something small that we can do daily for each other to make our lives better?
How much space / alone time should people in a relationship give each other?
What questions should partners ask each other before getting married?
What do I do that makes you the happiest?
How important is it for individuals in a relationship to maintain their own separate identity?
What makes our relationship better than other relationships?
What do you think our life will look like in 10 years?
What do you think would bring us closer together as a couple?
What kind of memories do you want to make together?
What do you think the most essential thing in a successful relationship is?
What’s your favorite way we spend time together?
What’s your favorite gift I’ve given you?
Where do you want to live when we retire?
In what areas do you think our personalities complement each other? (i.e. One is too reckless, and the
other is too cautious, and it balances out to a happy medium.)
How well do you think we communicate?
What adventure would you like to go on with me?
What’s the best relationship advice you’ve received?
What are some things you really like about me?
What do you think the hardest thing about marriage/being in a relationship is?
What can I do to most help us?
What do you see as your role in our relationship?
What would be a deal breaker for our relationship, something you couldn’t forgive?
What makes us different than other couples?
What do you think would be the best way to strengthen our relationship?
What are some of your relationship goals?
How realistic do you think couples in movies and TV are?
What does a happy and healthy relationship look like to you?

Couple questions about sex
Sex is an important topic to talk about in any relationship. It’s important to know what each of you
considers a healthy and enjoyable sex life.

How well do you think our sex drives match up?
How important do you think sex is in our relationship?
What are you into, but haven’t told me about?
What do I do in bed that drives you wild?
What is the most adventurous thing you’ve done sexually?
Besides orgasms, what is the best part of sex?
What’s the most embarrassing thing that has happened to you while having sex?
When am I at my sexiest?
What would you like me to do in the bedroom to spice things up a bit?
What’s better than great sex?
What do I do outside the bedroom that turns you on?

Couple questions about having kids
It is vital that a couple is on the same page when it comes to kids. There can be a lot of strife and
heartache in a relationship if one partner absolutely wants kids and the other doesn’t, or if you both
have wildly different expectations for raising children.

Do you eventually want to have children? How many children do you eventually want? Why?
What’s the worst parenting mistake a couple can make?
What is the best way to raise children?
How would we know if we did our job as parents well?
Do you think it is more important for a couple with kids to focus on the kids more or each other more?
Why?
How do you think having kids will / has changed our lives and relationship?

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FOOD & CUISINE

14 Ways to Eat Less Sugar Without Missing It

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This article was made available courtesy of eatingwell.com

A life without any sugar is a life we don’t want to live. And thankfully, experts say you don’t need to eliminate it from your diet. But shaving off some grams here and there is something most of us should be doing. “I’m not of the view that we should be draconian about this,” says Mattes. “Sugars do add palatability. And the most nutritious diet, if it’s not palatable, will have no health benefit—because people won’t eat it.” These strategies can help you find that balance.

1. Utilize the new added sugar line on labels

“Always check the Nutrition Facts panel to see how much added sugar is in a product—like cereal or yogurt—and compare it to other brands,” says University of Thessaly nutritionist and epidemiologist Renata Micha. “Between two or three options, you can aim for the one that has less added sugar.”

2. Target your weaknesses

In the U.S., most added sugar comes from the following five sources: sweetened beverages; desserts and sweet snacks; sweetened coffees and teas; candy and other sugars (jams, syrups, toppings); and breakfast cereals and granola bars. Figure out which category you tend to get the most added sugar from and start cutting back there. You’ll get the greatest reduction in overall sugar and boost in health benefits, says Ewoldt.

3. Look for high-quality carbs

Many packaged products—tortillas, granola bars—fall into a nutritional gray zone. They may be made with whole grains (good) and still contain lots of sugar (not so good). Even more stealthily, the front of the package may declare “no added sugars,” but the manufacturer has replaced this nutrient with something else, such as refined starches that have no fiber and affect your body in ways similar to added sugars. “So it’s important to assess overall carb quality, not just sugar alone,” says Micha.

One simple way to do that: use the 10-to-1 metric. This means for every 10 grams of total carbohydrate that a product contains, 1 gram or more should be fiber. (It’s based on the ratio of total carb to fiber found in whole wheat.) Micha and her colleagues discovered that when they applied this trick to U.S. supermarket foods, it quickly identified items with higher-quality carbs that also happened to be lower in sugar. And they were healthier in general—lower in sodium and higher in protein, fiber, potassium, magnesium, vitamin B , vitamin E, zinc and iron.

14 Ways to Eat Less Sugar Without Missing It

4. Don’t drink your sugar

You know that soda is potum non grata, but other sugary beverages may slip past your nutritional radar. Coffee drinks like a bottled Frappuccino can have 34 grams of added sugar, and one 20-ounce sports drink packs as much as 48 grams—which is just about 100% of your daily limit. (For comparison, a can of Coke has 39 grams.) “Sports drinks serve a purpose for elite athletes, or let’s face it, when we’re sick with the flu or prepping for a colonoscopy. But for everyone else, just choose water,” says Nancy Farrell Allen, M.S., RDN, a national spokesperson for the Academy of Nutrition and Dietetics. And let’s not forget cocktails. Alcohol itself contains no or very little sugar, but when you add the coffee liqueur to your ‘tini—that’s when the grams can go through the roof.

By eliminating even one sugary beverage a day and instead sipping water with a squeeze of lime or orange for flavor, you can dramatically reduce your sugar intake—especially given that sweetened beverages are the single largest source of added sugar in the American diet, says Micha. You could also try drinking seltzer in fun flavors, infusing your water with fresh fruit or eating an apple or orange alongside a glass of ice water. We love the Strawberry, Basil & Lime Infused Water pictured above.

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5. Take your time

All of our experts recommend weaning yourself off sweetness slowly. Do you add sugar to your coffee or tea? Then use a little less tomorrow. A few days later, dial it back a bit more. Studies show that reducing sugar by 5 to 20%—equivalent to deleting about 4 to 12 grams daily—is not noticeable, and that over time your perception of sweetness intensity changes. In one trial, people who limited their sugar intake for 2 to 3 months rated pudding as much sweeter than those who did not.

6. Be wary of packaged bars

We love the grab-and-go convenience of them, but granola and energy bars supply a lot of the added sugar in our diets. So scan for ones that are low in sugar and as minimally processed as possible (short ingredients list of recognizable whole foods). They often taste just as good and can save you 5 to 15 grams of added sugars (that’s between 1 and 4 teaspoons of sugar) per bar! Even better, put a handful of nuts, seeds and oats, plus some unsweetened coconut flakes and a few dark chocolate chips (11 of them only have 2 grams of added sugar) in a travel container for a snack that’s packed with nutrients, protein, fiber and very little sugar.

If you want to go above and beyond, make your own. It’s a great way to keep sugar in check and customize the flavors to meet your preference.

7. Swap your yogurt for skyr

This Icelandic-style yogurt is made using different types of cultures than the standard kind you may be used to, giving it a thick, creamy consistency and less sour taste. And even the flavored varieties of skyr tend to have about one-third less added sugar than other flavored yogurts—which can be quite high in them.

8. Get enough sleep

The average adult needs between 7 and 9 hours a night—yet more than 35% of Americans get less than that. Missing out on zzz’s can monkey with your hunger hormones, making you crave sugary foods (and salty ones too). However, in a review of seven clinical studies published in the Journal of Sleep Research, participants who increased their sleep duration—by anywhere from 21 minutes to 3 hours a night—had better insulin sensitivity as well as reductions in appetite, sweet cravings and sugar intake.

14 Ways to Eat Less Sugar Without Missing It
CREDIT: GETTY IMAGES / PETER DAZELEY

9. Trick your palate

Studies have shown that sweetness can be amplified by concurrently stimulating your other senses, says experimental psychologist Qian Janice Wang, Ph.D., an assistant professor in the Department of Food Science at Aarhus University in Denmark. One strategy to try: Sniff cinnamon, vanilla, cherry, almond, caramel, pineapple, pomegranate, strawberry or banana before a meal or with your food. It can make you think what you’re eating is 5 to 25% sweeter than it would taste without one of these aromas. “The smell-taste interaction together form this perception of flavor. And that’s because when we smell something, the mind is already forming expectations that it’s a sweet food,” explains Wang. “So if you have cinnamon-vanilla oatmeal every day, and you gradually reduce the sugar, by the end it may be enough to have the cinnamon and vanilla without the sugar.”

10. Avoid sneaky sources

Sugar isn’t just added to make foods taste better. It also acts as a preservative that extends shelf life and prevents staleness, makes pastries tender by preventing gluten formation and encourages fermentation by providing food for yeast, allowing breads to rise, among other qualities. For these reasons, food manufacturers add sugar not just to traditionally sweet foods, but to tons of savory ones, as well. “For example, the other day I picked up a tofu, broccoli and brown rice frozen meal—can you get much healthier than that? But when I looked at the label, it had 17 grams of added sugar, most of it from the sauce,” says Andromalos. Check out our list of sneaky sources that can easily add up. Another reason to read and compare labels!

14 Ways to Eat Less Sugar Without Missing It
CREDIT: THE VOORHES

11. Use less sugar in your baking

“Recipes for things like cookies and cakes often call for more sugar than is necessary— so you can play around and see how much you can simply leave out,” says EatingWell recipe tester and developer Laura Kanya, who suggests removing a small amount and going from there. She was able to use one-third less sugar in the Raspberry Swirl Brownies here compared to a typical brownie recipe. The cocoa and pureed raspberries add richness and natural sweetness. “Sugar does impact the moistness, texture and browning of baked goods, so you may notice a difference there,” adds Kanya.

12. Roast your veggies

Rather than steaming or sautéing vegetables and relying on dressings and sauces (which often contain added sugars) to jazz them up, pop them in a 450°F oven. It caramelizes the natural sugars and makes them taste sweeter and more intense, says sensory scientist and dietitian Sungeun Choi, Ph.D., RDN, an associate professor in the department of family, nutrition and exercise sciences at New York’s Queens College.

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13. Add it on top of baked goods

Sprinkling a small amount of coarse sugar on homemade, lower-sugar muffins, quick breads and cookies “delivers that extreme burst of sweetness and crunch with each bite, so you’re less likely to miss the sugar within the cookie or muffin,” says Andromalos.

14. Bake with natural sweeteners

Replace some of the sugar with mashed bananas or other fruits, unsweetened applesauce or blended dates, cooked sweet potatoes or prunes. This will also add moisture. “It’s a great way of getting some extra vitamins and minerals as well,” says Andromalos. “We used pineapple to sweeten our Pineapple Morning Glory Muffins—slashing the sugar content in half compared to similar muffins,” says Kanya. “And grating it incorporates the fruit into the batter.”

15. Trade flavor for sugar

The more taste you’re able to eke out of every recipe, the less sweet stuff you’ll need. “Our Cider-Sweetened Apple Pie contains less than half the added sugar of a typical recipe,” says Kanya. “How did we do it? By reducing already-sweet apple cider into a concentrated syrup.” It counts as added sugar, but the difference is we don’t need to use as much sweetener overall because the syrup’s intense flavor fools your taste buds into thinking the pie is sweeter than it actually is. You can apply this same technique to other recipes—and experiment with reducing different juices.

This article first appeared in EatingWell, September 2021

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HEALTH

Grief and Loss, How to Cope with Them

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Losing anything of value is never easy. Coping with grief and loss must be done your right way. Sadly, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Regardless of the type of loss you are faced with, the only thing required is that you understand the stages of grief and where you currently are on them. This understanding will provide you with healthier coping options.

WHAT DOES GRIEF MEAN?

When you lose something of great importance, your natural emotional and painful response to it is grief.  Sometimes it comes with various reactions such as guilt, disbelief, deep sadness, health disruption, insomnia, inability to eat amongst so many things. Everything i mentioned here is normal when you are faced with grief. Your grief could come as a result of losing your health, a job, a relationship, a loved one, a miscarriage, a career dream, a friendship, a safety net after infidelity or even moving homes amongst many other reasons.

I see many couples and individuals sit across me and narrate their experiences with grief. Despite the many responses to grief, one thing that you cannot take away is that the intensity of your grief is always directly proportional to the significance of your loss.

Due to the personal nature of loss, i do not expect you to grieve like any other person. This means that there is no shame with how you decide to grieve. The only thing i want you to understand is that there are stages to grieving and you must understand what stage you are in to enable yourself transition from that stage, get a new perspective on the matter and then begin to move on from the heaviness you feel.

The Sad Honest Truth About Grief

Be it the loss of a parent, child, partner, spouse, relative, friend or colleague at work, It’s all pain and you may not ever get over this loss. However, time is what truly does the magic for you because your sorrow eases, you face the loss and then gradually begin to move on from that point.

Now that you understand how unique grieving is to every individual, you must also know that what separates everyone in grief are their beliefs, their faith, previous experiences with grieving, their coping styles and lastly their personality. Do not expect to recover immediately with actual loss of a loved one, or try to heal after replacing the job, house or opportunity you lost with a new one. It takes time. While some start to feel better in weeks and months, the measurement for others grieving is usually in years.

THE PROPER WAY TO GRIEVE

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You must understand somethings about grief as this gives you an edge;

A) IF you feel pain, do not pretend it does not exists simply because you want to appear strong. This act will keep you trapped in one stage of grief longer than expected. Weakness or Strength are not the consideration at this point. Pain is.

B) Do not try to grieve the way you have seen a sibling, spouse, parent or someone else go about it. That is their own way. Trying to emulate them in this regard may not work for you and could end up doing more damage than good.

C) It’s not time to be alone with yourself and misery. Get the support of your loved ones and others who truly care about your well-being. Staying alone is not the solution to numbing the pain.

D) The feeling of grief will make you laugh, cry, smile, talk to yourself and so on. In extreme cases, clients have mentioned that grief made them romanticize with thoughts around death and suicide. Especially for individuals who lost a spouse.

E) Your emotions are not stable when you are grieving. This is what grief does to you. Forcing yourself to stabilize your emotions is not the key. Recognizing the emotions you feel is the real solution.

Available on Podcast:

Learning about the 5 stages of grief

Denial: This is the phase where an individual hasn’t yet come to terms with what has happened. The associated shock or emotional overwhelm dissociates the victim in such a way that the circumstances look like an unfolding movie plot with them as spectators.

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Anger: At this point, a realization dawns on the individual. This comes with an intense anger that has the individual lashing out angrily and questioning a lot of things.

Bargaining: The need to have this happen to distance oneself from the flurry of negative emotions suddenly triggers an emotion that wants to pass on the grief to some other person, place etc. With this comes a negotiation where depending on the spiritual beliefs of the individual sees them bargaining , going on a spiritual deep dive all in a bid to reverse the situation.

Depression: This is a phase characterized by intense sadness that comes once you start to understand the situation isn’t particularly going anywhere or changing.

Acceptance: After healthily negotiating the first phases of grief, the individual now understands that the situation truly occurred. At this point, you come to terms with the pain and truly start to own the emotions you are feeling. It is from this stage that healing starts.

Despite the fact that I have listed these phases, it would be important to note that not everyone navigates grief by following these exact steps. Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist who first intimated us with these stages of grief never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework applicable to anyone mourning. I have seen clients who went straight to acceptance from the denial stage and just when everybody else affected was struggling with denial, these individuals were already available to assist their spouse, partner, siblings or friends with their own grief.

Coping with grief and loss by temple obike

Dear therapist

Grieving and loss is a bespoke experience for everyone. The circumstances may be similar but the effect on the mourner is unique. Hence for younger therapists, there is a need to make clients identify what stage they currently find themselves in. As important as this is, it is better to allow them speak first, tell a story, relive their experiences with the deceased and as you listen with your ears and observe with your entire being, you are bound to start discovering for yourself, where exactly they are with the grieving process (even if it doesn’t quite tally with any of the stages.

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I truly hope this piece throws a lot more clarity on your current struggles with navigating loss. We are here to support you through your loss and believe that your complete healing is not too far away.

Written by Obike Temple.
Temple Obike is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author and psychotherapist who has counseled over one thousand, two hundred clients comprising of couples, individuals, abuse victims (substance, physical, emotional and sexual) and grief-stricken clients. With over 100,000 in-counseling minutes accrued in practice.
He runs his private psychotherapy & counseling practice out of Lagos, Nigeria and has counseling centers in Abuja and Port-Harcourt. His practice also provides options for both online and on-site services. His private practice has positively empowered lives through his online counseling, podcasts, free advisory services and free online materials.  
Readership of his articles also receive a growing number of visitors alongside subscriptions to his email newsletter at templescounsel.com. His passion for empowering and uncovering the secrets to lifelong marriages and personal development led to his new book titled “Soul Bodega” available on amazon and across other online and traditional stores.Never give up on yourself! You are a journey happening through various destinations. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit our website for more info!
https://templescounsel.com/how-to-find-your-real-purpose-in-life-stay-authentic/
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BUSINESS

Advertising Market Leaders Give 5 Marketing Musts for 2023

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1. Recognize the increasingly important role of video Raja Rajamannar, chief marketing & communications officer at Mastercard talked about how video is a critical component of his business’s marketing mix. “It’s where you’re able to evoke the right emotions,” he said. “You’re able to connect with consumers to tell the story the right way, and to impress upon them the message you’re trying to convey. Video is front and center in whatever we do.” Twitter’s director, client services – retail & travel, Alex Kennedy, agreed: “Video is core to any good strategic marketing plan. Whether your objective is awareness, consideration, or even priming consumers for lower-funnel objectives like conversion, there is a role for video. And the reason is because consumers are consistently watching more video, specifically online digital video.” Kennedy also stressed the importance of understanding both the customer and their viewing context to get the most out of video. “You have to reach your consumer where they are and how they’re watching,” she explained. “That means you have to create bespoke content for the environment. That’s what’s going to be key.” 2. Make the most of the data mix, utilizing both first- and third-party data The level of understanding Kennedy described requires a data strategy that recognizes the role all the different types of data have to play. This point was picked up by Sean Popen, executive vice-president, outcome navigator at Interpublic’s activation intelligence company Matterkind. “A tactic that we’re seeing working is using a combination of first, second- and third-party data, which allows brands to tap in and get that additional reach,” he said. This view was echoed by Dawn Williamson, senior vice-president, head of sales development at Comcast’s advertising sales division, Effectv, who stressed the importance of using data to target audiences: “It’s going to be less about ‘I want to be in this show’ and more about ‘Where’s my audience, and where are they consuming content?’ because, as an advertiser, that’s where I want to be.”

3. Overcome the challenges of a fragmented viewing audience According to Dave Pajeau, executive director of programmatic/advanced TV for Effectv, video advertising will only continue to get more fragmented as more providers come in. For him, the key will be to integrate the traditional and streaming experiences, enabling measurement and targeting against the two together. “There’s a tremendous amount of viewership that still exists through traditional linear channels, and that now co-exists with new viewership through streaming platforms,” he said. “They work best together, but you have to know the right allocation for your brand and audience. So in 2023 we’ll start moving towards true cross-screen delivery, audience delivery and measurement.” 4. Understand how the consumption of advertising has evolved Brian Wallach is head of revenue for programmatic TV sales platform AudienceXpress. In his view, successful advertisers are those who understand there’s no longer one single consumer journey, no matter what the brand or sector. “Successful advertisers are consumers themselves, and oftentimes they admit they watch content in different ways,” he explained. “So now their planning and execution of media is adapting so that, if their desired audience isn’t all coming from traditional linear TV, they’re able to optimize and adapt and run media against other channels. We call these fluidity deals in the industry, where it’s less about whether it’s linear TV or digital, and more about reaching the right audience in quality programming.” For Effectv’s Williamson, it once again comes back to understanding your customers. “Clients and advertisers are really focusing on consumer behavior, and they’re studying where ad consumption is happening. So it’s less about connected TV or video-on-demand (VOD), and more about looking at the entire TV ecosystem to ensure they’re targeting the right audiences as they’re looking to get their message out there.” 5. Value a ‘one viewer’ solution Being able to track and measure viewing behavior across multiple platforms is the crucial piece of the puzzle. It will improve brands’ understanding of their customers, solve ad frequency problems and allow sequential messaging. It will also allow more accurate attribution, improving media planning and increasing efficiency. That’s why Elizabeth Luciano, senior vice-president, marketing & brand strategy at broadcaster A+E Networks, is keen to encourage everyone in the video advertising space to work together to make the ‘one viewer’ solution happen. “It’s going to be so important,” she said. “We want to deliver content when and where people want to watch it. In order to do that, we need to see how they travel across platforms.”

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Learn from your experiences

Perhaps the final word goes to Soyoung Kang, chief marketing officer at beauty brand eos. As marketers start to think about the trends that will define their 2023, she urged them to also remember the lessons of the last few years. “As we try to understand how to navigate this macroeconomic climate, it’s really important for us as marketers to continue to push forward,” she said. “We have to stay agile. We’ve built all of these muscles during the pandemic where we needed to be able to shift investments as circumstances changed. It’s time to exercise those muscles again.”
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