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Other Types of Intimacy that can Improve Your Relationship Asides the Sexual Type

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Years ago, i remember a question in social psychology class on intimacy. We were supposed to describe this phenomenon  and what it meant to us in just 3 words. 99.99% of the class came up with just 3 words. Sex, physical touch and kisses. Maybe we were a bunch of walking talking bottled-up hormones? No we were just like everyone else programmed by the powerful media.

Today i want us to talk about this topic of intimacy because social media has gone rife with all sorts of misguided opinions on intimacy. Actors, wannabes and even well-meaning therapists have given us perspectives on intimacy that is skewed. A mistake that is affecting the younger generations looking up to them. Try googling the word intimacy and switching to the image search option. The deluge of pictures showing heteroseual, gay and gender fluids in all shades of compromise will lend credence to my point of view.

What is intimacy? The Oxford dictionary defines it as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or affecting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”

Intimacy has always been associated with marriage and dating but there are other forms of intimacy that are not getting as much attention as they ought to. An oversight that is eating up marriages and relationships on a regular. The word intimacy is a derivative of a Latin word intimus” which means innermost or inner core. Not too long ago, the word “intimate” was used to describe the inner qualities of a person before the media took over that job of re-defining things.

One of the amazing things about intimacy is that it provides the opportunity for bonding. This is a healthy component of most relationships that are working around us. However, the secret here is that the more you can include other types of intimacy in your relationship, the healthier it will become.

Intimacy Types in Relationships

Let me quench your thirst by beginning with the popular types.

Physical Intimacy

That touch, body contact, PDA all point towards physical intimacy. We also reference this intimacy type whenever we talk about sex. However good people, you mustn’t always have sex once physical intimacy is initiated. You could heighten expectation by simply kissing, cuddling or even holding hands.

These gestures may not seem satisfying to the one who is so used to sex as the highest most potent form of intimacy but believe me when i tell you this. If you do not invest in these sex may loose it’s flavour and intensity over time”.  Temple Obike

 

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Emotional

When you share personal feelings with your spouse it points towards emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy elicits understanding, care, concern, constant reaffirmation and empathy from your partner. This intimacy type is singlehandedly one of the most important aspects of any relationship destined to survive. You can nurture this aspect of your relationship by becoming a person who listens to your partner daily and is vulnerable enough with them to share as well. Bring our time and make them feel special during the day just so they know you think of them. You can also invest in this intimacy time by sharing your thoughts and being available for them when they do the same,

Intellectual

This is not about bickering on textbook topics. It really doesn’t have to be that serious. This is simply that mind-building yet stimulating conversation that leaves you feeling smarter and thinking “Wow, it was one helluva great choice having (insert partners name) as my other half. This becomes even more interesting if you both have different career paths and take delight in teaching each other. A good place to really build this level of intimacy is with topical issues or via google search.

Investing in this intimacy type keeps your relationship interesting and sustains the excitement.

Experiential

Nothing keeps the excitement in a marriage or relationship going as the experiences both couples have together in the journey of life. Remember that 9 out of 10 times relationships are ignited due to an experience between two people. This makes me wonder why couples are now eager to forget the exact same things that began their relationships. Look for intimate experiences that can keep things nostalgic and exciting for both of you. I am not referring to making out on the balcony of your house facing 10 other homes thats risky sexual behavior , plain and simple.

Go to a park and sit down together, plan a trip to somewhere new with the kids or without them or visit your parents and go somewhere that both of you used to meet if you’ve been dating that long or simply recreate a scene from your past.  You get my drift.

 

Spiritual

I am quite the number one God-fan (household included) but whenever i mention spirituality, i am in no way referring to religion.

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Religion is what happens on Sunday and Wednesday evening but Spirituality is what happens every other hour day or time when you aren’t asleep. – Temple Obike

Share the deepest values that drive you as an individual with your partner and listen to them as they share the same with you. Talk about how these will be applied in raising your children , building your respective careers etc.  If you’re itching to ask me what happens if your partner is not a spiritual person then i might need to mention that you may have failed one of the essentials to consider pre-marriage (visit this article) and if they stopped being spiritual after marriage maybe they were pretending to get you or are genuinely going through something. A pastor, imam or a good session could assist you with all of this.

Proven Ways to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship

You can never invest too much in your intimacy level. For any marriage or relationship that intends to go the long haul, it is important that you invest into this aspect of your relationship. I am going to provide practical ways through which couples could build their intimacy with real life situations.

A) An article like this is a great way to improve what you and your partner have. Share insightful articles and build on your intellectual intimacy.

B) Go to somewhere that neither both of you have ever visited before and soak in the experience at the same time, This will help build your experiential intimacy levels.

C) Sex may not be o your agenda at the moment but rather than an all-out refusal, cuddling with your partner or just holding hands is equally as intense. This builds your physical intimacy. Let’s be honest, you may not be predisposed to having sex all the time and i am definitely not of the opinion that you must give your body anytime a partner requests for it because a partner who requests for sex without considering your state of mind, mood etc may just be guilty of marital rape (yep it’s a thing).

D) The mobile phone is becoming an issue all by itself. With as many benefits and uses as it has, its destructive tendencies are a dime and a dozen. Put down your device and look for an activity that helps both of you bond. A movie, a game of monopoly (i love this one) or chess etc. The less time you spend on a device, the more your chances of bonding better. Even beyond building a relationship with the significant other, this improves the quality of general family time.
Well i believe that the best advice are usually he shortest. I hope this article would really assist you in making your decisions on how best to build up the intimacy levels in your relationship.

Written by Obike Temple.

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Temple Obike is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author and psychotherapist who has counseled over one thousand, two hundred clients comprising of couples, individuals, abuse victims (substance, physical, emotional and sexual) and grief-stricken clients. With over 70,000 in-counseling minutes (1,000+ hours) accrued in practice. He runs his private psychotherapy & counseling practice out of Lagos, Nigeria and has counseling centers in Abuja and Port-Harcourt. His practice also provides options for both online and on-site services.

His private practice has positively empowered lives through his online counseling, podcasts, free advisory services and free online materials.  Readership of his articles also receive a growing number of visitors alongside subscriptions to his email newsletter at templeobike.com. His passion for empowering and uncovering the secrets to lifelong marriages and personal development led to his new book titled “Soul Bodega” available on amazon and across other online and traditional stores.

Never give up on yourself! You are a journey happening through various destinations.

Follow us on FacebookInstagramLinkedIn, and visit our website for more info!

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HEALTH

Grief and Loss, How to Cope with Them

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Losing anything of value is never easy. Coping with grief and loss must be done your right way. Sadly, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Regardless of the type of loss you are faced with, the only thing required is that you understand the stages of grief and where you currently are on them. This understanding will provide you with healthier coping options.

WHAT DOES GRIEF MEAN?

When you lose something of great importance, your natural emotional and painful response to it is grief.  Sometimes it comes with various reactions such as guilt, disbelief, deep sadness, health disruption, insomnia, inability to eat amongst so many things. Everything i mentioned here is normal when you are faced with grief. Your grief could come as a result of losing your health, a job, a relationship, a loved one, a miscarriage, a career dream, a friendship, a safety net after infidelity or even moving homes amongst many other reasons.

I see many couples and individuals sit across me and narrate their experiences with grief. Despite the many responses to grief, one thing that you cannot take away is that the intensity of your grief is always directly proportional to the significance of your loss.

Due to the personal nature of loss, i do not expect you to grieve like any other person. This means that there is no shame with how you decide to grieve. The only thing i want you to understand is that there are stages to grieving and you must understand what stage you are in to enable yourself transition from that stage, get a new perspective on the matter and then begin to move on from the heaviness you feel.

The Sad Honest Truth About Grief

Be it the loss of a parent, child, partner, spouse, relative, friend or colleague at work, It’s all pain and you may not ever get over this loss. However, time is what truly does the magic for you because your sorrow eases, you face the loss and then gradually begin to move on from that point.

Now that you understand how unique grieving is to every individual, you must also know that what separates everyone in grief are their beliefs, their faith, previous experiences with grieving, their coping styles and lastly their personality. Do not expect to recover immediately with actual loss of a loved one, or try to heal after replacing the job, house or opportunity you lost with a new one. It takes time. While some start to feel better in weeks and months, the measurement for others grieving is usually in years.

THE PROPER WAY TO GRIEVE

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You must understand somethings about grief as this gives you an edge;

A) IF you feel pain, do not pretend it does not exists simply because you want to appear strong. This act will keep you trapped in one stage of grief longer than expected. Weakness or Strength are not the consideration at this point. Pain is.

B) Do not try to grieve the way you have seen a sibling, spouse, parent or someone else go about it. That is their own way. Trying to emulate them in this regard may not work for you and could end up doing more damage than good.

C) It’s not time to be alone with yourself and misery. Get the support of your loved ones and others who truly care about your well-being. Staying alone is not the solution to numbing the pain.

D) The feeling of grief will make you laugh, cry, smile, talk to yourself and so on. In extreme cases, clients have mentioned that grief made them romanticize with thoughts around death and suicide. Especially for individuals who lost a spouse.

E) Your emotions are not stable when you are grieving. This is what grief does to you. Forcing yourself to stabilize your emotions is not the key. Recognizing the emotions you feel is the real solution.

Available on Podcast:

Learning about the 5 stages of grief

Denial: This is the phase where an individual hasn’t yet come to terms with what has happened. The associated shock or emotional overwhelm dissociates the victim in such a way that the circumstances look like an unfolding movie plot with them as spectators.

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Anger: At this point, a realization dawns on the individual. This comes with an intense anger that has the individual lashing out angrily and questioning a lot of things.

Bargaining: The need to have this happen to distance oneself from the flurry of negative emotions suddenly triggers an emotion that wants to pass on the grief to some other person, place etc. With this comes a negotiation where depending on the spiritual beliefs of the individual sees them bargaining , going on a spiritual deep dive all in a bid to reverse the situation.

Depression: This is a phase characterized by intense sadness that comes once you start to understand the situation isn’t particularly going anywhere or changing.

Acceptance: After healthily negotiating the first phases of grief, the individual now understands that the situation truly occurred. At this point, you come to terms with the pain and truly start to own the emotions you are feeling. It is from this stage that healing starts.

Despite the fact that I have listed these phases, it would be important to note that not everyone navigates grief by following these exact steps. Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist who first intimated us with these stages of grief never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework applicable to anyone mourning. I have seen clients who went straight to acceptance from the denial stage and just when everybody else affected was struggling with denial, these individuals were already available to assist their spouse, partner, siblings or friends with their own grief.

Coping with grief and loss by temple obike

Dear therapist

Grieving and loss is a bespoke experience for everyone. The circumstances may be similar but the effect on the mourner is unique. Hence for younger therapists, there is a need to make clients identify what stage they currently find themselves in. As important as this is, it is better to allow them speak first, tell a story, relive their experiences with the deceased and as you listen with your ears and observe with your entire being, you are bound to start discovering for yourself, where exactly they are with the grieving process (even if it doesn’t quite tally with any of the stages.

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I truly hope this piece throws a lot more clarity on your current struggles with navigating loss. We are here to support you through your loss and believe that your complete healing is not too far away.

Written by Obike Temple.
Temple Obike is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author and psychotherapist who has counseled over one thousand, two hundred clients comprising of couples, individuals, abuse victims (substance, physical, emotional and sexual) and grief-stricken clients. With over 100,000 in-counseling minutes accrued in practice.
He runs his private psychotherapy & counseling practice out of Lagos, Nigeria and has counseling centers in Abuja and Port-Harcourt. His practice also provides options for both online and on-site services. His private practice has positively empowered lives through his online counseling, podcasts, free advisory services and free online materials.  
Readership of his articles also receive a growing number of visitors alongside subscriptions to his email newsletter at templescounsel.com. His passion for empowering and uncovering the secrets to lifelong marriages and personal development led to his new book titled “Soul Bodega” available on amazon and across other online and traditional stores.Never give up on yourself! You are a journey happening through various destinations. Follow us on Facebook, Instagram, LinkedIn, and visit our website for more info!
https://templescounsel.com/how-to-find-your-real-purpose-in-life-stay-authentic/
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BUSINESS

Advertising Market Leaders Give 5 Marketing Musts for 2023

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1. Recognize the increasingly important role of video Raja Rajamannar, chief marketing & communications officer at Mastercard talked about how video is a critical component of his business’s marketing mix. “It’s where you’re able to evoke the right emotions,” he said. “You’re able to connect with consumers to tell the story the right way, and to impress upon them the message you’re trying to convey. Video is front and center in whatever we do.” Twitter’s director, client services – retail & travel, Alex Kennedy, agreed: “Video is core to any good strategic marketing plan. Whether your objective is awareness, consideration, or even priming consumers for lower-funnel objectives like conversion, there is a role for video. And the reason is because consumers are consistently watching more video, specifically online digital video.” Kennedy also stressed the importance of understanding both the customer and their viewing context to get the most out of video. “You have to reach your consumer where they are and how they’re watching,” she explained. “That means you have to create bespoke content for the environment. That’s what’s going to be key.” 2. Make the most of the data mix, utilizing both first- and third-party data The level of understanding Kennedy described requires a data strategy that recognizes the role all the different types of data have to play. This point was picked up by Sean Popen, executive vice-president, outcome navigator at Interpublic’s activation intelligence company Matterkind. “A tactic that we’re seeing working is using a combination of first, second- and third-party data, which allows brands to tap in and get that additional reach,” he said. This view was echoed by Dawn Williamson, senior vice-president, head of sales development at Comcast’s advertising sales division, Effectv, who stressed the importance of using data to target audiences: “It’s going to be less about ‘I want to be in this show’ and more about ‘Where’s my audience, and where are they consuming content?’ because, as an advertiser, that’s where I want to be.”

3. Overcome the challenges of a fragmented viewing audience According to Dave Pajeau, executive director of programmatic/advanced TV for Effectv, video advertising will only continue to get more fragmented as more providers come in. For him, the key will be to integrate the traditional and streaming experiences, enabling measurement and targeting against the two together. “There’s a tremendous amount of viewership that still exists through traditional linear channels, and that now co-exists with new viewership through streaming platforms,” he said. “They work best together, but you have to know the right allocation for your brand and audience. So in 2023 we’ll start moving towards true cross-screen delivery, audience delivery and measurement.” 4. Understand how the consumption of advertising has evolved Brian Wallach is head of revenue for programmatic TV sales platform AudienceXpress. In his view, successful advertisers are those who understand there’s no longer one single consumer journey, no matter what the brand or sector. “Successful advertisers are consumers themselves, and oftentimes they admit they watch content in different ways,” he explained. “So now their planning and execution of media is adapting so that, if their desired audience isn’t all coming from traditional linear TV, they’re able to optimize and adapt and run media against other channels. We call these fluidity deals in the industry, where it’s less about whether it’s linear TV or digital, and more about reaching the right audience in quality programming.” For Effectv’s Williamson, it once again comes back to understanding your customers. “Clients and advertisers are really focusing on consumer behavior, and they’re studying where ad consumption is happening. So it’s less about connected TV or video-on-demand (VOD), and more about looking at the entire TV ecosystem to ensure they’re targeting the right audiences as they’re looking to get their message out there.” 5. Value a ‘one viewer’ solution Being able to track and measure viewing behavior across multiple platforms is the crucial piece of the puzzle. It will improve brands’ understanding of their customers, solve ad frequency problems and allow sequential messaging. It will also allow more accurate attribution, improving media planning and increasing efficiency. That’s why Elizabeth Luciano, senior vice-president, marketing & brand strategy at broadcaster A+E Networks, is keen to encourage everyone in the video advertising space to work together to make the ‘one viewer’ solution happen. “It’s going to be so important,” she said. “We want to deliver content when and where people want to watch it. In order to do that, we need to see how they travel across platforms.”

Table of Contents

Learn from your experiences

Perhaps the final word goes to Soyoung Kang, chief marketing officer at beauty brand eos. As marketers start to think about the trends that will define their 2023, she urged them to also remember the lessons of the last few years. “As we try to understand how to navigate this macroeconomic climate, it’s really important for us as marketers to continue to push forward,” she said. “We have to stay agile. We’ve built all of these muscles during the pandemic where we needed to be able to shift investments as circumstances changed. It’s time to exercise those muscles again.”
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CRIME

Qatar Confirms Seizure Of 144 Fake World Cup Trophies

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Authorities in Qatar have asserted that they have seized 144 counterfeit World Cup trophies following the latest raid on fakes hitting the market ahead of the football tournament that starts o November 20.

The disclosure was made on Wednesday by the interior ministry which said officers launched an operation “acting on a piece of information about a website that promotes the sale of cups that mimic the true shape of the World Cup.”

It released a photo showing the 144 life-sized trophies laid out across a floor and stated that “further legal procedures will be followed”.

 

The ministry did not say where the trophies were found, nor whether suspects had been detained.

Football’s governing body FIFA and Qatari authorities have stepped up warnings recently about distributing or buying World Cup fakes.

In another report, Qatari authorities had last week given a fresh directive to evict some hundreds of migrant workers from most of the buildings in central Doha which is coming on the countdown to the World Cup.

Some of the municipal workers and some security guards had reportedly moved into about 12 buildings late on Wednesday to clear and lock them, according to local residents, ahead of the tournament which would be kicking off on November 20.

The Quatari government had also revealed that the buildings were “uninhabitable”, proper notice was given, and that alternative “safe and appropriate accommodation” had been found for all evictees.

The affected area which was largely around Al-Mansoura, has been massively redeveloped in the recent years and some World Cup fans will be staying in some of the apartments in the district, where dozens of mechanical diggers are parked in the streets.

In the early hours of Saturday, Yunus, a Bangladeshi driver, slept on the back of his flat-bed truck on a street in Al Mansoura, three nights after being forced out of one block.

 

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AFRICA

US Court Acquits Air Peace Boss, Fines Mayfield $4000

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Nigerian Commercial airliner, Air Peace and its chairman, Allen Oyema have finally found justice after three years of intense investigations which had also involved about five agencies of the American government and the subsequent legal fireworks that had come with it.

It had been revealed that the District Court in Atlanta, Georgia had finally exonerated the Chief Executive of Air Peace, Chief Allen Onyema of any business fraud which he had been accused of too.

The court, which had initially discovered that there had been no loss against any bank in the indictment suit which had been filed by the Attorney for the Northern District of Georgia, had however, ordered a probation and $4000 fine against a former staff of Springfield Aviation Company Inc., Ebony Mayfield on Friday.

A statement which had been made by the law firm of Augustine Alegeh & Co., counsel to the Airline had also explained that Mayfield was an administrative staff of Springfield with limited knowledge in Letter of Credit Transactions, who had also pleaded guilty to one count in the indictment, presumably as she realised the futility of attempting to explain several Letters of Credit which had been utilised for purchase of aircraft for Air Peace Limited in a jury trial.

The firm had also explained that Probation was the lowest possible sentence which had beenavailable under American Federal Law.

“Our clients never took loans or credit from any American Bank and Mayfield was never paid the sum of $20,000 at any time to commit any fraud, as it is being peddled by a section of the Nigerian Press.

“There was no loss of money or any damage whatsoever to any third party. The American government admitted in Court that no bank suffered any financial loss in the matter.

“Mayfield, like other Springfield Aviation Company Inc. staff was only paid her bi-weekly salary and/or allowances,” it clarified.

According to the firm, the decision confirmed the position of its clients that there was no fraudulent intent in all the Letters of Credit, because there was no victim in any way, manner or form.

All the funds involved, it explained, were legitimate funds belonging to its clients.

“Our clients maintain their innocence in the matter and state that all steps taken in respect of the Letters of Credit were taken in good faith and with legitimate funds.

“All the aircrafts involved were brought into Nigeria and utilised in the operations of Air Peace Limited. There was no victim. There was no loss of funds to any person and there was no criminal intent whatsoever.

“Our client’s position has been reviewed by various Law Enforcement Agencies in Nigeria and no evidence of criminality has been established against them. Our Clients remain resolute in the assertion of their innocence,” the firm declared.

The firm had also noted that there have been false and unsubstantiated press stories in Nigeria, about the indictment.

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