Years ago, i remember a question in social psychology class on intimacy. We were supposed to describe this phenomenon and what it meant to us in just 3 words. 99.99% of the class came up with just 3 words. Sex, physical touch and kisses. Maybe we were a bunch of walking talking bottled-up hormones? No we were just like everyone else programmed by the powerful media.
Today i want us to talk about this topic of intimacy because social media has gone rife with all sorts of misguided opinions on intimacy. Actors, wannabes and even well-meaning therapists have given us perspectives on intimacy that is skewed. A mistake that is affecting the younger generations looking up to them. Try googling the word intimacy and switching to the image search option. The deluge of pictures showing heteroseual, gay and gender fluids in all shades of compromise will lend credence to my point of view.
What is intimacy? The Oxford dictionary defines it as the “inmost thoughts or feelings; proceeding from, concerning, or affecting one’s inmost self: closely personal.”
Intimacy has always been associated with marriage and dating but there are other forms of intimacy that are not getting as much attention as they ought to. An oversight that is eating up marriages and relationships on a regular. The word intimacy is a derivative of a Latin word intimus” which means innermost or inner core. Not too long ago, the word “intimate” was used to describe the inner qualities of a person before the media took over that job of re-defining things.
Intimacy Types in Relationships
Let me quench your thirst by beginning with the popular types.
That touch, body contact, PDA all point towards physical intimacy. We also reference this intimacy type whenever we talk about sex. However good people, you mustn’t always have sex once physical intimacy is initiated. You could heighten expectation by simply kissing, cuddling or even holding hands.
These gestures may not seem satisfying to the one who is so used to sex as the highest most potent form of intimacy but believe me when i tell you this. If you do not invest in these sex may loose it’s flavour and intensity over time”. Temple Obike
When you share personal feelings with your spouse it points towards emotional intimacy. Emotional intimacy elicits understanding, care, concern, constant reaffirmation and empathy from your partner. This intimacy type is singlehandedly one of the most important aspects of any relationship destined to survive. You can nurture this aspect of your relationship by becoming a person who listens to your partner daily and is vulnerable enough with them to share as well. Bring our time and make them feel special during the day just so they know you think of them. You can also invest in this intimacy time by sharing your thoughts and being available for them when they do the same,
This is not about bickering on textbook topics. It really doesn’t have to be that serious. This is simply that mind-building yet stimulating conversation that leaves you feeling smarter and thinking “Wow, it was one helluva great choice having (insert partners name) as my other half. This becomes even more interesting if you both have different career paths and take delight in teaching each other. A good place to really build this level of intimacy is with topical issues or via google search.
Investing in this intimacy type keeps your relationship interesting and sustains the excitement.
Nothing keeps the excitement in a marriage or relationship going as the experiences both couples have together in the journey of life. Remember that 9 out of 10 times relationships are ignited due to an experience between two people. This makes me wonder why couples are now eager to forget the exact same things that began their relationships. Look for intimate experiences that can keep things nostalgic and exciting for both of you. I am not referring to making out on the balcony of your house facing 10 other homes thats risky sexual behavior , plain and simple.
Go to a park and sit down together, plan a trip to somewhere new with the kids or without them or visit your parents and go somewhere that both of you used to meet if you’ve been dating that long or simply recreate a scene from your past. You get my drift.
I am quite the number one God-fan (household included) but whenever i mention spirituality, i am in no way referring to religion.
Religion is what happens on Sunday and Wednesday evening but Spirituality is what happens every other hour day or time when you aren’t asleep. – Temple Obike
Share the deepest values that drive you as an individual with your partner and listen to them as they share the same with you. Talk about how these will be applied in raising your children , building your respective careers etc. If you’re itching to ask me what happens if your partner is not a spiritual person then i might need to mention that you may have failed one of the essentials to consider pre-marriage (visit this article) and if they stopped being spiritual after marriage maybe they were pretending to get you or are genuinely going through something. A pastor, imam or a good session could assist you with all of this.
Proven Ways to Build Intimacy in Your Relationship
You can never invest too much in your intimacy level. For any marriage or relationship that intends to go the long haul, it is important that you invest into this aspect of your relationship. I am going to provide practical ways through which couples could build their intimacy with real life situations.
A) An article like this is a great way to improve what you and your partner have. Share insightful articles and build on your intellectual intimacy.
B) Go to somewhere that neither both of you have ever visited before and soak in the experience at the same time, This will help build your experiential intimacy levels.
C) Sex may not be o your agenda at the moment but rather than an all-out refusal, cuddling with your partner or just holding hands is equally as intense. This builds your physical intimacy. Let’s be honest, you may not be predisposed to having sex all the time and i am definitely not of the opinion that you must give your body anytime a partner requests for it because a partner who requests for sex without considering your state of mind, mood etc may just be guilty of marital rape (yep it’s a thing).
Written by Obike Temple.
Temple Obike is a licensed marriage and family therapist, speaker, author and psychotherapist who has counseled over one thousand, two hundred clients comprising of couples, individuals, abuse victims (substance, physical, emotional and sexual) and grief-stricken clients. With over 70,000 in-counseling minutes (1,000+ hours) accrued in practice. He runs his private psychotherapy & counseling practice out of Lagos, Nigeria and has counseling centers in Abuja and Port-Harcourt. His practice also provides options for both online and on-site services.
His private practice has positively empowered lives through his online counseling, podcasts, free advisory services and free online materials. Readership of his articles also receive a growing number of visitors alongside subscriptions to his email newsletter at templeobike.com. His passion for empowering and uncovering the secrets to lifelong marriages and personal development led to his new book titled “Soul Bodega” available on amazon and across other online and traditional stores.
Never give up on yourself! You are a journey happening through various destinations.
Photo shows 8-year-old Naomi Osaka watching 22-year-old Rafael Nadal at 2006 US Open
An iconic photo featuring a very young Naomi Osaka watching a 22-year-old Rafael Nadal compete at the US Open is making the rounds on social media.
In the image, the Japanese Haitian future WTA Tour champion can be seen in the stands right behind the Spanish tennis legend.
A young Naomi Osaka watching Rafael Nadal practice during the US Open (2006) pic.twitter.com/2XEeqTeCTt
— miaミア (@miathermopol1s) July 15, 2022
Twitter user @miathermopol1s, who posted the photo over the weekend, said the photo was from Aug. 23, 2006, which means Osaka was just a couple of months away from turning 9 years old at the time.
The post, which has been retweeted over 600 times, has earned thousands of likes and many positive comments calling the image “cool” and “iconic.”
In the photo, the female tennis star was accompanied by her younger sister Mari Osaka, who also became a tennis player. Mari competed in several WTA and ITF matches before retiring last year and pursuing a career in fashion design.
Osaka has previously spoken about her adoration of Nadal, who she revealed in April was her inspiration for her first win on a clay court in 2022.
“I think I stole one of the things that he did and I’ve been practicing it recently,” Osaka told WTA Tennis.
She added, “I know that every kid growing up playing tennis in the world has pretended to be Nadal at least once.”
Osaka grew up to more than just emulate Nadal, as on the very stadium she watched the Spaniard, the Arthur Ashe Stadium, she would win the US Open trophy some 12 years later.
Osaka, who is currently recovering from an Achilles injury, is expected to return to the US Open later this year.
Top 5 Political Campaigns in Nigeria
The elections are here again and with the elections in full swing, things are heating up. Awesome ampaign agencies internationally such as Brand Envoy Africa, impact politics, Anttention Media have done amazing work that helped secure political positions for candidates and winning over the electorate.
Let’s take a peep down memory lane into the top 5 political campaigns we’ve seen (or read about) in Nigeria since the 1950’s.
1. Moshood Kashimawo Olawale Abiola, SDP 1993
That year’s election is still regarded in many quarters as perhaps the freest and fairest election Nigeria has ever had. Chief Abiola campaigned on the slogan Hope ’93 and smarting from the Structural Adjustment Policy, SAP, of the Babangida regime that had sapped many Nigerians economically, Chief Abiola’s message rang a bell especially with that memorable jingle. The result was a resounding vote for the Social Democratic Party candidate.
2. Goodluck Ebele Jonathan, PDP 2011/2015
GEJ’s presidential campaign in 2011 was a big hit Promising a breath of fresh air, he played the role of the underdog to a hilt especially with that famous line “I had no shoes”. The African campaign agency “Brand Envoy Africa played a key role. His message resonated with the Nigerian masses as they lapped up to him. He gave many hope that ordinary people could rise to the top in Nigeria, he became the poster boy for the new Nigerian dream and despite some irregularities in the elections, he won. The rest as they say is history.
3. Peter Ayodele Fayose, 2014
Impeached in 2006 on charges of corruption, Governor Fayose was back in power in 2014, defeating the cerebral Kayode Fayemi in the process. Although his campaign didn’t have any clearly defined message, Fayose endeared himself to the electorates with a good mix of populist tokenism (or stomach infrastructure as he called it) and street smart. While his opponents hit it big on social media, Fayose ate pounded yam and drank palmwine with the ‘real’ voters and for all his troubles, he beat the incumbent in all the 16 local government areas of the state.
4. Babatunde Raji Fashola, ACN 2011
In 2010, BRF as he’s popularly known was contesting to be re-elected as governor of Lagos, Nigeria’s economic nerve center and on the basis of his performance in his first term, his candidature was quite popular with the electorates. However, the SAN with a sound mind gave nothing to chance as he went all out, campaigning on the platform of continuity…’BRF is working’ his posters screamed. The result was a landslide victory at the polls, leaving the People’s Democratic Party candidate far behind in a cloud of dust.
5. Obafemi Jeremiah Oyeniyi Awolowo, AG 1959
Chief Awolowo’s Action Group was at the time regarded to have been the best organised political party in Nigeria with a clearly defined ideology and manifesto and he ran an equally efficient campaign in that year’s elections. Awo traversed the length and breadth of the nation in helicopters, reaching out to the commoners with a promise of improved welfare, free education and health as espoused by his political party. Although Awo’s party couldn’t secure enough votes beyond the western region to have enabled him become Nigeria’s first prime minister, his campaign was undoubtedly innovative and far ahead of its time. Some other time, some other clime perhaps history would have been different.
Lagos Floods Carry Away Individuals, SUVs and more
Lagos Floods Carry Away Individuals, SUVs and more. The National Emergency Management Agency (NEMA) has said that the flooding that occurred in Lagos last weekend claimed seven lives.
The Zonal Coordinator, South West, NEMA, Ibrahim Farinloye, made the disclosure in a statement issued in Lagos on Wednesday.
“The post-emergency phase assessment after the unprecedented rainfall of Friday, 8th July and Saturday, 9th July, 2022 has revealed that about seven people – three children of same parent and four adults – died.
9 Top Foods To Stop Premature Ejaculation And Foods To Avoid
Are you not able to hold the erection earlier than you and your partner would like? Beware! You likely suffer from premature ejaculation. Sex, therefore, may not be fulfilling for your partner and you. Although it is not corporally threatening, couples felt disappointed and humiliated.
Besides, in men, it can also contribute to low self-esteem. You may experience erectile dysfunction if you feel nervous, depressed, recovering from an injury, or have a hormonal imbalance. 1 out of 3 men may encounter this condition at some stage in their lives, according to studies.
You should see your andrologist and receive adequate care. You will improve low libido by avoiding feeling shy or ashamed and reaching out for professional sexologist support as soon as possible.
There can be many causes of premature Ejaculations. It can be biological, psychological, or even because of an injury in your penile. If you have just started seeing the symptoms of premature ejaculation and you are at an early stage of sexual disease, then there are some natural ways to cure it.
Following the proper food guide and indulging in a few sets of exercises has helped many to cure certain dysfunction. Premature Ejaculation can also be cured if you follow a healthy diet and include aphrodisiac food in your daily routine.
You may start with a super premature ejaculation foods i.e. Garlic; it is filled with aphrodisiac properties and will assist you in expanding the length of your intercourse without premature ejaculation. Thanks to this anti-bacterial and anti-inflammatory plant that will help improve your blood circulation. Try to eat one clove of garlic daily, but don’t go overboard.
9 Premature Ejaculation Foods You Must Eat
Taking asparagus, carrots, and food rich in vitamin A and C in your daily diet can help curb premature ejaculation. Below is the list of food items that have helped many to cure early climax problems. These premature ejaculation food items maintain the blood flow and hormonal level, which helps you to take control of the excitement and ejaculation.
1. Have asparagus in your diet
food for Premature ejaculation , especially asparagus, is jam-packed with high vitamin A, which is essential for testosterone control. Vitamin C is also abundant in asparagus, which can allegedly increase your sperm count and raise your blood pressure. You should boil the plant’s roots in milk and drink it. Doing so will help you in a better way to regulate your penile muscles.
2. Load up on carrots
Carrots are filled with antioxidants and beta-carotene, which, during intercourse, can increase blood flow to the genitals. Thus, when you eat boiled carrots with honey and egg, you could curb premature ejaculation. Do not forget to give this remedy a try!
You can opt for Oatmeal.
When you add Oatmeal to your diet, you will increase the testosterone levels in the bloodstream. No other premature ejaculation food is better than Oatmeal at calming your penis muscles and strengthening you and energizing you.
3. You can opt for watermelon.
A phytonutrient called citrulline is borne by watermelons, which can help improve your libido. You may eat slices of watermelon or add this premature ejaculation food to your fruit salad, and you can see beneficial effects.
4. You can combine ginger and honey.
We consider ginger and honey to be aphrodisiacs, and they can increase libido and boost your performance when they are combined. You can grate the ginger and apply it to something homely. Have this mixture, then, and you will soon be able to see the difference.
5. Go for green onions.
In nature, green onion seeds are aphrodisiac and can assist in reducing premature ejaculation. The seeds will increase your sexual capacity, power, and stamina. So, with water, mix some crushed green onion seeds and drink the magical solution.
6. Go Bananas!
Bananas are potassium-rich. This refers to the management of blood flow. They also produce an enzyme called bromelain, which helps to increase libido and minimize premature ejaculation.
Not only does eating bananas regularly increase your endurance, but it also raises your levels of stamina and low testosterone. Boosting the sperm count is also known.
7. Opt for Avocado
We also know the avocado as the miracle fruit and is very helpful for your wellbeing. It is rich in vitamins that assist in blood flow regulation.
Avocado also comprises several healthy fats that give you an energy boost, as well as folic acid. It also helps with metabolic processes.
This PE food also helps to cure retrograde ejaculation problems, Delayed ejaculation problems, and painful ejaculation problems.
8. Load Up on Walnuts
Walnuts are excellent and nutritious. They are high in fat, nutrition, vitamins, and minerals that are good for you. They have high antioxidant, anti-inflammatory, and omega-3 properties. To boost your general wellbeing, this profile helps. They help alleviate male infertility, erectile dysfunction, and men’s penis problems.
As a snack between your meals, eating walnuts frequently can also help increase sperm and mobility quality.
9. Eat Dark Chocolate
American author E. Lockhart referred to dark chocolate as “white chocolate.” Sweet, intense. Not deep though. Okay, but not to get serious about prom dates or flings. Milk chocolates are like guys you might date for a couple of months, and dark chocolates are for love.
The Dark Chocolates are also for passion. They are filled with micronutrients that make them a potent aphrodisiac. Munching on them will make you feel good about yourself and feel sensual. It releases endorphins that lower the levels of stress and anxiety.
It doesn’t stop there alone. Dark chocolate can positively influence you’re well being. This is one of the most potent sources of antioxidants.
Food to Avoid to Cure Premature Ejaculation
Premature Ejaculation occurs when you cannot control the excitement, and you come quickly. We can assume it is a very high sex drive and high level of testosterone or low libido and low testosterone levels, responsible for it. In both cases what we require is an optimal level of testosterone. To maintain erection we should stop the following food items
- Avoid sugar and starchy food
- Avoid smoking and drinking
- Avoid Junk Food
- Avoid stress and depression.
Pelvic bones with no strength and control can also contribute to the quick release of cum. In such cases, we suggest avoiding huge intakes of food that increase testosterone levels and sexual drive.
Premature Ejaculation Treatment At IASH
Treatment for premature ejaculation usually depends upon the man’s relationship status and the cause of the condition (whether it is lifelong or acquired). There are several treatments available for premature ejaculation including SEX THERAPY, BEHAVIORAL TECHNIQUES, PELVIC FLOOR REHABILITATION PROGRAM( PELVIC GYM), TOPICAL THERAPY (use of lignocaine based sprays over the penis), ORAL MEDICINES, and SURGERIES.
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