Let us put on our imaginative hats on for 2 minutes. You are casually scrolling through Instagram and there’s this guy who you’ve been digging their pics and commenting on everything they say. If you were not in a serious relationship he could have been the perfect one for you. However you noticed that not only can you drool over his pictures he is responding to your comments and seems even emotionally invested. You even found out he stays in the same city as you do and belongs to a local gym just a few blocks from your house.
“This is a great time to get fit” you think out loud and then register in the same gym. you even begin to work out around the same time he visits the gym all in a bid to be near him. He notices you and both of you become work-out buddies and exchange phone numbers so you can discuss the best diets to back-up your work-out’s with. Suddenly it hits you again that both of you are so in sync with each other and if you were not in a committed relationship he would have been a perfect choice in all regards. You have now confirmed that he’s definitely emotionally invested in you and this sends ticklish flashes throughout your entire body.
At this point you are fine with all of the feelings, chatting, trust and new-found closeness you enjoy with this person. Everything is under control after all both of you aren’t having sex. I understand that there are exceptions to all these rules but I can tell you for free that you have begun an affair. A point your partner and therapist might align on. You still are not sure right? Well I’ll help you clarify this by giving you clear signals that could help you tell yourself the unhinged truth.
1.Putting Yourself in High-risk Situations With Them
The moment you begin to put yourself in situations where you’re trying to be alone with someone of the opposite sex who isn’t your partner. It’s considered high-risk. Getting drinks, going on long drives or simply making out exclusive phone conversation time for them should be your first sign that you are having an affair. Social media, whatsapp etc. has made it much easier for individuals to connect with their exes triggering intimacy in a flash for the undisciplined emotion. I chose the word ”Undisciplined Emotion” because Mark Zuckerberg did not ask you to send that message or respond to the one that was sent to you. You decided because you wanted to. So impulsive and reckless men and women have sunk their marriages themselves.
2. The ”How About Your Partner” Dilemma
The moment you cannot answer this question freely with this new person in your life, then you are really in trouble. Many individuals have told me how their affairs begun from them trying to help a friend navigate turbulent emotional times in their life. They simply asked ‘How about your wife/husband?” and things just went too fast from that point. They were in too deep before they could realize something had gone wrong.
For you making the moves, If you begin to talk to your new crush about your main relationship that is a serious no-no. Secondly if you begin to tell this person how your partner pees on the toilet without raising the toilet seat or inform them on how not-so-caring he is then you are almost full circle into the affair. Any conversation with this person that leaves you emotionally vulnerable is an invitation to have them fill up some emotional space. However, do not think that talking business with them either is safe, especially if you know deep down that you like this person. All you may be trying to do is keep them around you by any means necessary. It’s one thing to say these things to this new person in your life about your partner but my ultimate litmus test is this.
Telling this new person about a lack between yourself and your partner that you haven’t even spoken to your partner about is treachery. A sell-out.
3. You’re Hiding and Lying About YOUR ACTIVITIES
Going to hang out with your female best friend is one thing but lying about it simply means you felt some measure of guilt. Anything that makes you lie to your spouse or hide certain activities from them is a red flag.
Please do not tell me you are protecting your spouse and saving their insecure soul the torture of suspicion because now you will be lying to me as well. If your partner is insecure validate them and not further re-in force it. Even extremely insecure people can be helped.
If you find yourself waiting to leave the house to communicate, deleting chats, refusing to tell your partner about them or just feeling conflicted about the whole situation then you are most likely having an affair. One of the toughest things I struggled with at the onset of my career 12 years ago was learning to allow people their full session of ‘Falsification’ without interrupting. Clients most times know they are having affairs but yet deny it themselves even after being caught or confronted by a partner. If it’s a friendly outing then your partner needs to know.
4. You Suddenly Feel ‘DESIRED’ and ‘POWERFUL’
When you begin to contemplate an affair while married it simply means that your relationship has gone sour. If there was ever a thing as the benefits of having an affair, I would list the opportunity to sincerely fix your relationship with your spouse or an opportunity to love again. When you do not build your relationship it dies. An affair has such a powerful pull because it makes you feel both desirable and powerful all at once. The two things you lose when your relationship settles into a comfortable crawl. Rather than work towards correcting this, many individuals would rather seek thrills outside of their marriage or relationship.
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5. You Start Avoiding REAL Intimacy With your Partner
When you start having an emotional affair, one of the things you lose is the intimate connection you once had with your partner. No deep conversations, moments or emotions are shared anymore. Most times the affair becomes the real avoidance mechanism for shying away from intimacy with a partner. At this point a partner cannot have deep conversations or share their feelings with you but rather would discuss it with an outsider just to maintain that distance between you and them. At this time, it would also be important to note this. especially with the up rise in the number of men and women attracted to married folk or people in committed relationships.
An attraction to a married person or someone in a committed relationship over 82% of the time points towards feeling unworthy and undeserving of a complete loving relationship that includes a give and take – both emotionally and physically.
6. The state of complete Obsession
Like a high-school kid in love, this person takes over your thoughts. Your routine and schedule now gets tinkered with to accommodate this person. Feelings begin to intensify and deepen at this stage. When you do not receive their messages you become very anxious regardless of who is watching. You start to take out your aggression on your partner, kids or anyone else who you consciously or unconsciously perceive to be a deterrent towards making this new relationship a lot more convenient for you.
This is the point where things begin to get dangerous because they have finally gained full control of your mental space. This means that at this point, they can be right there in the bedroom with you and your spouse even if not physically. At this point clients begin to build up libido with mental images of this person. After all, the aim is to satisfy your spouse RIGHT? Your sex life with you and your partner suddenly seems boring because there is a secret craving to sleep with this other person rather than your partner. Now the real problems begin.
7. The COMPLAINTS stage
All of a sudden you will come to realize that your spouse is not meeting up to most of your expectations. In fact you are really disappointed with them. Rather than reaching out to your former support structures of friends, siblings, in-laws etc. You would rather call on this one person who understands you more than everybody else in the world right now.
If you happen to be at this stage currently in your marriage or relationship, it’s the perfect time to seek out other healthy support systems you may require asides from your spouse. You could register for an online class, join a book club, schedule hang-out sessions with friends or simply connect via call with your family a lot more. This could help you not rely on your partners attention or lack of it.
8. Now you are LYING about the other person
It’s already bad enough that you are hiding a potential emotional affair from your spouse but having to lie about it is another level of deceit. Lying to someone who is supposed to rely on you 100 percent is your first step towards actual physical infidelity. The only two ways to stop this is by either speaking to your spouse about your struggle or simply speaking to someone else who you and your spouse trusts, holds in high esteem and relies upon.
The general idea is to become accountable and improve on your marriage again.
9. Requiring Support and Celebrating Successes with the other person
At this point it’s important to take note of who you run to when amazing things happen to you. Once this person isn’t your spouse, then you might have a much bigger problem on your hands than anticipated at the beginning of this article. Couples in healthy marriages turn to each other to celebrate happy times and also get support during bleak times. ONCE YOU ARE NOT RELYING ON YOUR PARTNER FOR THIS, you may have just replaced them emotionally. If this is the current state of affairs in your marriage then it’s time to work on your marriage and a good place to start is by asking your spouse for support. If they struggle with this, then it’s time to talk about it and get help from a professional near you.
Firstly, if you still do not think you are having an emotional affair and none of the points I mentioned resonate, then its a good time to go do something else and wait for my next article. However, if you know you were definitely having an emotional affair and have no plans of breaking up with your partner then you have taken the first step which is admitting that you were having an affair.
I wish I could tell you to go back to your crush and request that both of you remain business partners or friends. Unfortunately my usual advice is that you completely cut off ties with them. Most professionals are still divided on IF you should tell your partner that you had been embroiled in an emotional affair especially if there was no physical intimacy. I believe that this is the true test of honesty and friendship between partners and should be discussed. Other therapists may advice that you keep it under wraps and save your partner the emotional torture since nothing happened and all has been handled with ties cut.
My opinion is that the best marriages are the ones where both partners are mature and vulnerable enough to clean out their closets, communicate healthily and rebuild trust after it has been shaken. Whatever you try to hide, OWNS YOU. – Temple Obike
Couples therapy could help you and your partner rebuild intimacy and connect on a much deeper level than before. i would love to leave you with one piece of information. Your partner will NEVER be the most attractive person in every room or place and as long as you are constantly searching for a distraction, you will always find one. If you constantly find yourself in situations where you are looking, the real solution is to opt in for therapy and find out WHY you are doing this after which you can then understand how to stop.
This is a good place to end today’s piece and don’t forget that an emotional affair nipped at the bud is an opportunity to strengthen a union and make it better.
Grief and Loss, How to Cope with Them
Losing anything of value is never easy. Coping with grief and loss must be done your right way. Sadly, there is no right or wrong way to grieve. Regardless of the type of loss you are faced with, the only thing required is that you understand the stages of grief and where you currently are on them. This understanding will provide you with healthier coping options.
WHAT DOES GRIEF MEAN?
When you lose something of great importance, your natural emotional and painful response to it is grief. Sometimes it comes with various reactions such as guilt, disbelief, deep sadness, health disruption, insomnia, inability to eat amongst so many things. Everything i mentioned here is normal when you are faced with grief. Your grief could come as a result of losing your health, a job, a relationship, a loved one, a miscarriage, a career dream, a friendship, a safety net after infidelity or even moving homes amongst many other reasons.
I see many couples and individuals sit across me and narrate their experiences with grief. Despite the many responses to grief, one thing that you cannot take away is that the intensity of your grief is always directly proportional to the significance of your loss.
Due to the personal nature of loss, i do not expect you to grieve like any other person. This means that there is no shame with how you decide to grieve. The only thing i want you to understand is that there are stages to grieving and you must understand what stage you are in to enable yourself transition from that stage, get a new perspective on the matter and then begin to move on from the heaviness you feel.
The Sad Honest Truth About Grief
Be it the loss of a parent, child, partner, spouse, relative, friend or colleague at work, It’s all pain and you may not ever get over this loss. However, time is what truly does the magic for you because your sorrow eases, you face the loss and then gradually begin to move on from that point.
Now that you understand how unique grieving is to every individual, you must also know that what separates everyone in grief are their beliefs, their faith, previous experiences with grieving, their coping styles and lastly their personality. Do not expect to recover immediately with actual loss of a loved one, or try to heal after replacing the job, house or opportunity you lost with a new one. It takes time. While some start to feel better in weeks and months, the measurement for others grieving is usually in years.
THE PROPER WAY TO GRIEVE
You must understand somethings about grief as this gives you an edge;
A) IF you feel pain, do not pretend it does not exists simply because you want to appear strong. This act will keep you trapped in one stage of grief longer than expected. Weakness or Strength are not the consideration at this point. Pain is.
B) Do not try to grieve the way you have seen a sibling, spouse, parent or someone else go about it. That is their own way. Trying to emulate them in this regard may not work for you and could end up doing more damage than good.
C) It’s not time to be alone with yourself and misery. Get the support of your loved ones and others who truly care about your well-being. Staying alone is not the solution to numbing the pain.
D) The feeling of grief will make you laugh, cry, smile, talk to yourself and so on. In extreme cases, clients have mentioned that grief made them romanticize with thoughts around death and suicide. Especially for individuals who lost a spouse.
E) Your emotions are not stable when you are grieving. This is what grief does to you. Forcing yourself to stabilize your emotions is not the key. Recognizing the emotions you feel is the real solution.
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Learning about the 5 stages of grief
Denial: This is the phase where an individual hasn’t yet come to terms with what has happened. The associated shock or emotional overwhelm dissociates the victim in such a way that the circumstances look like an unfolding movie plot with them as spectators.
Anger: At this point, a realization dawns on the individual. This comes with an intense anger that has the individual lashing out angrily and questioning a lot of things.
Bargaining: The need to have this happen to distance oneself from the flurry of negative emotions suddenly triggers an emotion that wants to pass on the grief to some other person, place etc. With this comes a negotiation where depending on the spiritual beliefs of the individual sees them bargaining , going on a spiritual deep dive all in a bid to reverse the situation.
Depression: This is a phase characterized by intense sadness that comes once you start to understand the situation isn’t particularly going anywhere or changing.
Acceptance: After healthily negotiating the first phases of grief, the individual now understands that the situation truly occurred. At this point, you come to terms with the pain and truly start to own the emotions you are feeling. It is from this stage that healing starts.
Despite the fact that I have listed these phases, it would be important to note that not everyone navigates grief by following these exact steps. Kübler-Ross, a Swiss-American psychiatrist who first intimated us with these stages of grief never intended for these stages to be a rigid framework applicable to anyone mourning. I have seen clients who went straight to acceptance from the denial stage and just when everybody else affected was struggling with denial, these individuals were already available to assist their spouse, partner, siblings or friends with their own grief.
Grieving and loss is a bespoke experience for everyone. The circumstances may be similar but the effect on the mourner is unique. Hence for younger therapists, there is a need to make clients identify what stage they currently find themselves in. As important as this is, it is better to allow them speak first, tell a story, relive their experiences with the deceased and as you listen with your ears and observe with your entire being, you are bound to start discovering for yourself, where exactly they are with the grieving process (even if it doesn’t quite tally with any of the stages.
I truly hope this piece throws a lot more clarity on your current struggles with navigating loss. We are here to support you through your loss and believe that your complete healing is not too far away.
The Toxic Dark-Side of The Hustle Culture
Seated in a cool family-friendly joint, it was time for our cheesy delight. As the waiter arrived with the creamy, stretchy beauty it’s aroma had my stomach churning with expectancy, the kids were all excited and their mum too. Just as we were about to dig in, my 13-year old daughter dropped the bomb. “So daddy, why do people waste their time on a 9 to 5 job rather than become successfully self-employed?” This was quickly supported by an “I Know Right” from her 10-year old sister as their younger ones all turned to listen to the “mage-o-ages” speak. (crickets) I froze.
I got defensive and retorted with an “Who said a 9 to 5 was a waste of time?” but madam’s timely intervention made me relax as she laughed and squeezed my hands under the table. Yes, she knew my unwavering stance on due process in relation to the newer breeds who wanted everything now but who would give a teenager this flawed perspective of 9 to 5? Maybe my face asked the question in my head because she continued. “I heard someone on a business radio programme encouraging people to drop their jobs and start something” she continued very unperturbed. I okaye’d this radio station, their songs and programmes were always family-friendly but how come? I knew this was a defining moment in parenting for me. I muttered a quick prayer of angelic support and went in deep.
Just before i get into my answer, i believe it would be a good time to explain the various generations currently in existence and the time range that qualify them to be in their groups;
- The Greatest Generation (GI Generation): Born 1901–1924.
- The Silent Generation: Born 1928–1945.
- Baby Boom Generation: Born 1946–1964.
- Generation X: Born 1965–1980.
- Millennial Generation or Generation Y: Born 1981–1996.
- Generation Z or iGen: Born 1997–2010.
This piece is mainly for the Generation Z and a sub-section of the Millenial Generation/ Gen Y whom it may apply to. I know many amazing and intelligent individuals who fall into these two generations but the information on this piece are for those who may not have caught up with some realizations.
The Gen Z’s obsession with quitting their jobs to start that big business that pays thousands of dollars monthly is almost unbelievable. Ask them of one thing which they’ve done is the recent past that gave them a measure of fulfillment and they wouldn’t be able to remember. Instead they could give a load of examples on their worst job experiences. Most authority figures in their lives are almost certainly tagged “evil or a buzz-kill” with little or no attention to what it took for them to have attained their current status (May not seem like it now but please be patient with me as i gradually unravel my position. This is not one of those articles aimed at mal-aligning a generation).
In their world, some of the biggest hero’s ever are the CEO’s who dropped out of university to pursue their dreams. If you pushed a bit further on their heroes list, you could also notice names of some flamboyant neighbourhood gangster, a celeb activist or a flashy baby-girl down the street. The haste to buy dreams and hopes makes them prime clients for the online motivational speakers, Girl-power groups and more. The sad fact is that some of their decisions are based on ill-researched facts. For instance, a Mark Zuckerberg who dropped out of Harvard to start a business got to Harvard. Firstly, not everyone gets into Harvard and secondly, Mark Zuckerberg’s dad gave him two options at the onset “Go to Harvard or begin a McDonald’s Franchise”. A Big Mac franchise isn’t cheap either! Mark had options, so if you want to make life changing decisions like dropping out of school or quitting your job for the big entrepreneurial dream, You had better have options. Don’t do it on the hard-earned cash your parents suffered to put together in a bid to give you a real chance at something.
Trauma Bonding, Relationships Built on Control & Abuse
Trauma Bonding, An Abusive Relationship in a Loop is a conversation long overdue for most relationships today. Have you ever seen two people who you knew had absolutely no reason to be together? One person was constantly abusing the other and the other person was just too weak to simply do anything. That is what you call a trauma bond. A relationship where an abusive partner uses emotional and psychologically manipulative means to gain full control of their partner or target as we could refer to them.
What Pre-disposes you to a Trauma Bonding?
There are always a group of people who are a natural attraction for abusive partners. This attraction sometimes occurs with a level of intentionality but sometimes naturally. In therapy, there are situations where a seemingly quiet half gets a strong, self-motivated, educated and confident partner who they fully break down over a timeframe and establish dominance over.
Who Is More Susceptible to Trauma Bonding?
People with relational and emotional trauma are typically targeted by perpetrators in a trauma bond, intentionally or otherwise. It can be common for abusers to seek out strong, driven, educated, and independent thinkers so that they can make themselves feel superior when they finally break them down. People with any or a combination of the scenarios depicted below are more likely to be found in a trauma bond.
A) You get mauled by separation anxiety
B) You have an unhealthy attachment style
C) You have a history of childhood or relationship abuse
D) You are overtly dependent on your partner or spouse
E) You are intensely affected by rejection
F) You are suffering from anxiety, BPD or depression
When you are being abused but you struggle to break free, it’s time you made that call to any therapist near you. The earlier you seek out help, the lesser damage
you will get to experience. A full recovery is not an easy road but starting out on the recovery path is the first step.
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For clients who have been helped to exit trauma bound relationships, the first thing they usually notice in hindsight is the pattern their abusive relationship always took. Here are the 7 stages a trauma bond must negotiate in 90% of the cases.
- LOVEBOMBING: When you meet someone new and they start to flatter and praise their way into your heart, you may just be preparing yourself for a traumatic bond. This period moves quickly and is very inorganic. Everything moves fast and you sometimes aren’t contributing much to the pace because the other person is doing all the work. After some time you let down your guard and allow yourself get caught up in the mood. You suddenly begin to trust the partner and their constant validation.
- BUILDING TRUST WHILE POKING VICTIM EMOTIONALLY: When a partner has been able to demonstrate that they can be trusted, it’s indeed a beautiful thing. However, if you notice yourself feeling guilty or ungrateful whenever you want to question intent or motive, It’s not natural. A healthy relationship must navigate the phase where both individuals MUST ask themselves questions about the authenticity of the new person in their life. The answer to this question must come from what is consistently demonstrated by the partner and not from what your partner says about themselves.
- CRITICISM: The moment you give your trust, the next stage in this toxic cycle is a subtle attack to some of your qualities that were never issues in times past. You now trust what this person says to you because they invested time in that phase. You suddenly notice that during fights or disagreements, holes are constantly being poked at your credibility or personality. In cases where the victim has a low sense of self esteem they will constantly find themselves apologizing for things that aren’t even their fault. The victim suddenly starts to feel loved because despite how wrong they are, their partner always forgives them. The constant dynamic of criticism and apologies is the real binding agent in a trauma bond because it usually occurs over a long period of time in most relationships before the victim notices the pattern.
- MANIPULATING & GASLIGHTING THE VICTIM: This stage has the victim questioning their reality.A gaslighter never takes any form of responsibility for their actions or behaviours. Their ability to shift blame on other people is their oldest trick because next to them, you seem like the one who is out of control and a wreck. Most Psychopaths, Sociopaths and Narcissists express this trait. In some cases, the victims play out reactive abuse out of rage or a need to preserve themselves psychologically. This reaction is followed by intense guilt in most textbook trauma bond cases. The victim further questions their identity since the abuser must have separated the victim from anyone who provides them with balance and reassurance.
- THE GIVING UP STAGE: A trauma bond at this point usually hits a stable period because the victim has been programmed to accept abuse. This acceptance means they may have poor physical boundaries as they now strive to please people, become emotionally and financially dependent, may have had more children among many other situations that make it almost impossible to make clear decisions. For victims who start to recover and attempt to leave, this is the point the abuse moves from emotional/psychological to physical. This situation is triggered when an abusive partner suspects that they may be losing control.
- CHRONIC LOSS OF SELF: The aim of an abuser in a trauma bond is to gain control. Every action perpetrated on the victim is aimed at making them lose their sense of confidence. Due to the long periods of isolation, many victims lose close connections and opportunities because they may have lost their self-identity to a degree that people who used to know them cannot relate with them anymore. This damage to the victims confidence in 30-35 % of the cases result in suicidal ideation (This is a situation where an individual has thoughts of killing themselves as a likely option for exiting a discomforting situation). While many people around us (as much as 45%) may have thought of death as a sort of escape, almost 90% never carry it out. However the fact that this came up is a sign of poor mental health that needs to be checked out. Losing your self usually comes with feelings of shame, self-torture and regret which makes it more difficult to break the cycle of abuse and move forward.
- CYCLIC ADDICTION: Owing to the cyclic nature of abuse, many fights will be followed up by apologies and a period of peace. This peaceful period usually sees the abusive partner starting the entire process again by lovebombing the victim. A scenario that leaves the victim relaxed again after tense moments experienced. This (i.e. the false peace) becomes a form of positive reinforcement the victim constantly looks forward to. In some cases, the abuser now begins to withhold affection, love, care and attention forcing the victim to go extra lengths in a bid to regain favour.
HOW TO ESCAPE A TRAUMA BOND
- Your first step is to create a support system for yourself that can assist in providing objectivity as undue exposure to a trauma bond may leave you slightly imbalanced
- Speaking up within or to the support system about what you are going through is the next natural step to breaking free.
- Analyzing the situation with your support system to determine if leaving while your abuser is away, gathering proof or an agreed separation is best depending on the severity of issues faced
- After leaving an abusive relationship, you can either separate or file for a divorce
Many survivors of trauma bond relationships usually narrate how difficult it was to break free of the abuse due to the highs and lows. Therapy has helped many take the step towards the door and has also helped those who left rediscover their lives. Trauma Focused CBT is therapy specifically created for people who have survived abusive relationships.
Psychological abuse recovery is also one of the most important things to strive for with the help of a trained mental health expert. This will help you get back is mental shape while avoiding a meltdown in the future.
Is there anything i mentioned on this article that seems vaguely familiar? this is not the time to contemplate or persist in protecting an abusive spouse or partner. Most of the assault or murders of passion stories you hear about in the news all stemmed from this topic discussed today. Shine the light on abuse and begin your healing journey today by calling or sending an email to us.
A Hero Complex Always Makes You Want to ‘Save’ People
The Hero Complex, sometimes called the Hero Syndrome or Savior Complex, is when someone strives to be the hero of the situation. No matter the situation or the odds, they want to be the ones that save the day. In some definitions, a person with a hero complex will even create situations that inconvenience or harm others, just so they can take credit for fixing it later.
Is the Hero Complex a mental disorder?
No. While the Hero Complex is mainly a psychological phenomenon, it is not a diagnosable disorder or a clinical term. However, the reported symptoms of the Hero Complex (such as an exaggerated sense of self-worth), is similar to a grandiose delusion, also known as delusions of grandeur. Patients of GD consider themselves famous, wealthy, and powerful, sometimes even referring to themselves in divine terms.
The Hero Syndrome in the Workplace
Many believe that Hero Syndrome is commonly found in people with civil service jobs: police, firemen, and doctors. But the truth is that Hero Syndrome will be found just about anywhere with an office. You may work for them, or they may work for you. In fact, you may even have a Hero Complex!
Although it may seem negative, the Hero Complex is not necessarily a cause for concern. Some people simply want more recognition than others, which is common in an individualistic and capitalist culture. However, there are cases when Hero Complex could result in some dangerous situations.
The Dangers of the Hero Complex
Bitter and hostile environments – As you can imagine, having one person consistently boast about their achievements and abilities can grow old pretty quickly. In teams that require communication and teamwork, the one with Hero Complex may annoy and alienate his teammates.
An illusion of productivity – People with hero complexes may have an inflated sense of their heroism. Although they may remember saving the project before a deadline, other team members may remember them as the source for the delays in the first place.
Arrogance clouding judgment – Those concerned about their self-worth may prioritize their ego over their peers. The result- a focus on vanity metrics and titles over actual work. For example, a doctor may be so focused on getting a promotion that they may neglect their managerial duties in the hospital.
How to Identify the Hero Complex
Remember, the Hero Complex is not a diagnosable condition, so there’s no surefire way of knowing whether someone “has” the complex. But there are signs that may suggest a person is more likely to have the Hero Complex.
Showboating. People with Hero Complex like recognition- for their work, their clothes, their lifestyle.
Preaching or saving. Some people call it the Savior Complex because of their need to rescue those in need. They may be too quick to give advice or care more about the photo op at a charity event.
Narcissism. While showing off and helping others isn’t exactly a crime, it becomes questionable when the person is vain or self-centered. Narcissism is one of the telltale signs for a Hero Complex.
How to deal with the hero complex
Once again, not everyone with a hero complex will stir trouble. It’s perfectly acceptable if anybody is self-centered or boastful. Only when it begins to affect the work of the business do you need to consider your options.
If you suspect someone of having a disruptive hero complex, first assess why you came to that conclusion- is their behavior affecting the rest of the team’s mood? Does it result in less than acceptable work?
Talk to the person, or if you have an HR department, have someone mediate the conversation first. Let them know that while strong personalities are welcome, it should never make others feel miserable or less productive.
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