Today, our topic is “Toxic Relationships : The Toxic, The Victim & The Solution”. Every good relationship takes work and if every toxic person was declined an opportunity to get married or experience a relationship, this would simply mean that 7 out of every 10 people you know will never get the chance to enjoy being in a relationship. Yes, there are that many toxic people around you and for all you care, one of them might just be reading this article. Even with parenting, there are many flaws that we decide to overlook because even our parents aren’t particularly saints. Over time we learn to adapt to their idiosyncrasies, opinions, habits and temperaments as they also learn to do with us.
This adaptation is the same expectation for relationships but this sometimes proves harder because with relationships, it’s two different people from different backgrounds trying to make it work.
Identifying A Toxic Relationship
Various schools of thought believe this is hard to recognize but after years of listening to people talk, it isn’t the hardest thing to recognize. Toxicity in a relationship in most cases is so obvious that friends, family and externals are usually the first ones to pick up on this. This could be because it pulls at something deep within them or the couples involved are usually in denial until someone else points it out. Any behavior that the toxic partner exerts that damages the other party emotionally or physically is what defines a toxic relationship. If you cannot vouch for the presence of mutual respect, care, self-esteem building interactions and positive emotional energy in your relationship then you are most likely in a toxic relationship.
I will also tell you what a toxic relationship is not. Some couples get to that point where they are too lazy to build their relationship upwards and would rather quickly label it toxic than “unattended to”.
– Temple Obike
Here are some other mild signs that you may be in a toxic relationship;
1) You leave the room when your partner comes is there
2) There’s no communication
3) Constant feelings of being drained
4) There’s always drama in the house
5) You have a heavily jealous or envious partner
6) You can’t talk when your partner is there
7) You lower your standards for your partner
8) Your partner brings out the worst in you
9) You’re always apologizing
It Takes Two …
This may not be the most palatable piece of information for you but it does take two to create a toxic relationship. There is the partner who is toxic and the partner who enables or allows toxicity to continue. The next natural question that comes to mind is “Why stay in a toxic relationship rather than leaving”?.
The most perfect relationships sometimes have a spell of toxicity and because there isn’t any rule book that describes marriage or relationships than the mere act of actually being in it, many couples learn on the move. Once you notice manipulative or controlling behavior from a partner, it’s usually the first sign of toxicity especially if that partner is a saint in the eyes of everyone else. Toxic relationships can be fixed but i’d like to mention that if substance , physical or verbal abuse is already part of your relationship you need intervention or separation.
The Mind of The Toxic
Week in, week out i see many individuals who sit down and paint their partners pitch black. The thing about this is that they most times do not seem to see anything wrong with themselves, their attitude or a lack of it. With this said, the most prominent factor in the mind of every toxic person is “CONTROL & POWER”. I know that at the beginning of most relationships and marriages, subtle power struggles occur. That is very different from this because in this case, one partner is absolutely obsessed with maintaining and controlling power through any means possible. In most cases, the means of control isn’t obvious at first to the enabling partner within the toxic relationship.
If any of the descriptions used below are familiar to you, then you are either in a toxic relationship, enabling a toxic person or have observed a toxic relationship up close. These signs may occur in everyday platonic friendships, parent-child relationships, a marriage or even in a relationship between two people building up to marriage.
THE TOXIC TYPES I’VE SEEN
A. THE GUILT FARMER
Can you think of anyone right now who makes you feel like you’re constantly in a courtroom. Guilty! Guilty! and more Guilt! is all you can see,think and believe when you are around them. Their power is perfected when you feel guilty. This guilt may come to you directly when they convey their dis-satisfaction or indirectly when someone else communicates their disappointment for something else you did.
A perfect example would be a scenario where a friend calls you out of the blues to find out how you could have done such a terrible thing to another friend of your’s. If a friend can pick up a phone and complain to a third party about you, nothing stops them from calling you directly. The “Guilt Farmer” also uses guilt as a tool when they remove it after they’ve gotten you to carry out their wish. Please take note of this fact. If there is anyone in your life that you feel so relieved after you carry out their instructions especially because you now feel less guilty. You need to become a bit more observant to see if you can establish a pattern of guilt and forgiveness. If this seems true then you are indeed in the presence of what i call a “Guilt Farmer”.
This toxicity type is something i’ve come to notice mostly in parent-child relationships where parents get their older children to do what they want. It also occurs with spouses e.g You have a heartfelt discussion about something you are passionate about with your partner who is 100% in support, you go all out and begin only for them to tell you that there “Ain’t no sunshine now that you’re gone”. “You’re missing out of the children’s life” or “You’ve changed since xyz began”.
B. THE CHOKER
Remember when your boo/bae was so adorable and couldn’t even hide his jealousy when a little baby was checking you out? Awwwnn 💚 (cute). Well, that was then, now that both of you are in a committed relationship or married, you thought it was going to sort that aspect out since they would now be re-assured you were fully their’s right? WRONG.
You just bought a mirage. The more time that passes, the more suspicious and controlling they become. The first thing they do is remove any meaningful friendships around you, then subtly cut you off from family, after this phase comes the bugging of your phones, car and constant interrogations on your whereabouts. If any of these are familiar to you (especially if you haven’t done anything in the past to attract dis-trust), then you are not in a healthy relationship but rather viewed as a possession. Your attempts at constantly trying to validate a “Choker” will suddenly become a full-time job by itself and gets progressively worse. A relationship with this toxic type will strip you of every aspect of your personality.
It get’s worse if you have actually created room for the toxic partner to dis-trust you in times past because you will eternally work to get back into their good books but to no avail. This relationship after a while mirrors a blackmailer-victim scenario.
C. THE GOLIATH SYNDROME
Have you ever heard of the term “insensitive jokes”? These toxic types are the masters at this because they are naturally prone to the fear of direct confrontation but would mask it with lots of painful jokes targeted at their victims(the enabler). That partner or friend who has a way of cracking jokes that get under your skin could be this type. They are the “Bullies” in your home.
Everyone knows couples where one of the partners belittles the other in public, with friends or family and makes them feel unattractive, less intelligent and every other way not nice. This is a move that is supposed to give them all the decision-making power because the less of everything you feel about you, the more of everything you hand over to them. They feed on your self-esteem and this will worsen once you do not destabilize their centre of control (if you can find it, because they usually go through a lot to hide it).
D. THE LEECH
Have you been privy to see couples where one of the parties looked like they couldn’t lift an arm without the help of the other obviously stronger person? I’m sure we all know a couple or two who fit this narrative. Well, the shocking fact is that the partner who looks weak in this relationship is actually the stronger person.
All decisions are made for them and i need you to understand that not deciding on something by itself is a choice. So when you are saddled with that choice, you are responsible for the outcome of that decision.
This simply implies that choosing the wrong school for the kids or the best supermarket to shop at gives room for passive aggressive behavior such as the silent treatment or tantrums. This is a strong tool when it comes to control because whoever you are always worried about what their perception of you is has you contained.
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E THE OPPORTUNIST
These are the ones who trap you in a one lane relationship where you keep giving and never receiving. They usually start off as charming, warm and nice people. And they are as long as they are on the receiving end of everything they need from you. It could be material, financial, status or more but the opportunist will always drain your energy and leave the moment someone else who can do more for them turns up.
Most of them would sometime provide favors that really dont cost them anything. For the untrained eye these are favors but for the trained, they only just gave you another “Reason”. Another reason why you should keep doing what you do for them. Don’t get trapped in their web because it’s usually a trap that doesn’t ever let you go until what it is you offer them is totally gone. This makes them one of the most dangerous toxic types you could ever come across.
F THE RHINO
Control through intimidation is one of the classic tell-tale signs of a toxic partner. You have arguments that never seem to arrive at a logical conclusion and to make matters worse, you dont even want to argue healthily with them. Why i ask? Simply because they can hold a grudge for the next two weeks when things don’t go their way. You have the enabling partner living under an atmosphere of uncertainty because the toxic partner is unpredictable and prone to outbursts anytime. The sad thing about confronting this type of toxic partner is that they always have a way of turning the tables. You suddenly become the one who makes them rage, curse and yell. This ability to disown their dysfunction would remain the same reason they battle it. That rage is an expression almost like that of a petulant child when they do not get what they ask for.
The dangerous aspect of this toxic type is the draining effect they have on your mental and emotional well-being. Let me explain. Someone who goes into a rage when they cannot get their way know it’s less than desirable so they go through their lives developing a persona that perfectly masks this. For these individuals, they appear to be the angels in their relationships and the abused seem to be the irrational ones that can never be pleased.
G THE SKILLED DODGER
Have you ever gotten to a point where you felt so selfish after you tried having a discussion with your partner. This discussion did not start out with you or anything you’d done but instead was supposed to address something that hurt you. Now you are apologizing and wishing you never mentioned what it was eating you up. This type are evasive in their approach to pertinent life issues.
They are almost never confrontational but will deflect from important topics and make you feel guilty if you try to hold them to commitments of any kind.
H THE LONE RANGER
This toxic type is a very interesting one because what makes them risky is the same thing that may have attracted you to them. Their lack of COMMITMENT. They have become masters at hiding their true intent. You can have countless sessions with this type and never know what you are up against because they usually turn up for sessions solo with a great narrative of their quest for independent positive change. However, the they are like spiders who spin a web and let you trap yourself because the fact that they do not offer you any form of emotional or physical commitments in relationships.
Are you constantly trying to find out if your partner still loves you, think your beautiful, still finds you sexually attractive and so on? You might just be in the presence of a Lone ranger type. Their approach leaves you out in the cold “emotional wild”. This type will slowly erode your self-confidence.
Now that You’ve met Them All, Let’s Talk.
Every now and then i know partners may try to make their significant other feel guilty, trigger insecurity or simply appear helpless just to achieve some goal. This points to our imperfections as human and shows that every relationship if deeply scrutinized has a measure of toxicity. The real issues start when the toxicity level becomes higher than it ought to be. How do you know when it’s become too high you might ask? my answer to that question is this. “When you and your partner can’t laugh about it even after either one of you discovered the other person tripped them up”.
Toxic people are usually individuals who have an underlying fear that they aren’t lovable. This is also the same issue with people who allow themselves become entangled in toxic relationships. Narcissism also plays a part in this dynamic because most of these toxic types possess inflated egos and an overtly blown-out perception of themselves thereby believing that they are doing a favor for anyone else in their lives. However, i’d like to mention that narcissism is the response the human gives when it has insecurity or esteem issues.
Many clients who have been caught up in toxic relationships are there because of the atmosphere of fear created by the toxic partner. This simply means that lots of people in these types of relationships keep enduring the maltreatment for the fear of loosing the relationship. If you
This brings up the question and the problem of what to do if you’re in a toxic relationship. Many of my clients initially come to me with the hope that I will give them a magical tool that will “fix” their toxic partner, or, at the very least, for me to sympathize with them and agree how bad their partner is. While catharsis may give temporary relief, it isn’t lasting. And while there certainly are things an individual can do to attempt to change the way a toxic partner behaves, most of my clients are often hesitant to do them, fearing their toxic partner may leave the relationship.
Is There a Solution?
Yes there is one solution i employ when it comes to healing clients from a toxic relationship and it is called “Catharsis“. This is simply a psychoanalytic approach that brings emotions associated with trauma to the surface and then forcefully releases them. This best occurs under hypnosis..
Prior to confronting a toxic partner, ensure that your confidence and esteem levels are in a really good place because you run the risk of ending your relationship as most toxic personalities would either not accept their faults or simply pretend to only to inflict more damage when their partners guard is down. For individuals who are not in a mentally strong place, look for a good counselor near you or online and get some assistance.
The fact that someone else refuses to change does not mean that you cannot change yourself. This is one of the best ways to get feedback from a stubborn partner who wouldn’t accept his own bit of the fault or even go for a psychotherapy session. The moment you understand that you deserve love, compassion, respect and more, that’s the game changer.
- If your partner has a history of physical abuse, write down what you need from them and divide it under three segments such as where we are, the effect on me/us & Where i’d love us to be. This will help you detail everything that you are not cool with in the relationship. Once you are done with this, inform them you have something you wrote that would help your relationship heal and grow.
- If your partner isn’t physical, gently ask for a sit down with them and detail every single thing you would like to change. They can ask their questions or make their comments when you are done.
- Get ready in some extreme cases of partner abuse for a turn up of the heat you are currently facing. The obsessive controlling behavior may spiral but you are already in a healthy emotional and mental place. When met with this response, i always ask my clients to remain calm and ask for a clean 2 week break that will allow everyone re-assess their emotions. For married couples, you can take a 3 day break from Friday morning to Sunday evening at your parents (if the relationship hasn’t cost you that privilege or at a friends). 3 days is enough for anyone who loves you to initiate something.
- After the hiatus, repeat your request again and clearly state that you may not remain in the relationship if the emotional abuse continues.If your partner agrees to work on changing themselves and then relapses again, you can repeat this cycle with them 2 more times.
- If this abusive other is a parent, you still need to “respectfully” confront the abusive behavior with the help of a professional psychotherapist around you or with the support of a partner or sibling. If after confronting this behavior it still persists, you will need to take control of the relationship and while you may not be abandoning the parent, you might need to limit contact for some time until this guides them to seeking the help they need.
- You did not try to change the toxic partner by threatening them, you meant every word of it and that’s why you did it. So the thing is this. You may have to actually leave if things don’t change especially if there are elements of physical abuse involved.
I understand that months or maybe years of being in a toxic relationship can rob you off the last vestiges of self-esteem. This may make you feel slightly unsure if confronting the toxic partner is a really good idea. Asides from everything i have mentioned here, there are books on the internet that could help you improve your confidence and esteem because i know that once you have fixed those, you would know what your next best steps are.
As always, i hope this piece on “Toxic relationships: the toxic, the victim & the solution” helped someone. If you are struggling with a toxic relationship and would love to talk about it, You know how to reach me. Don’t wait until it affects your career, family life or more before seeking help.
Written by Obike Temple
A Counselor, psychotherapist, brand-Sage and entrepreneur who has counseled over three-hundred couples, individuals, substance abuse and grief-stricken clients.
For more information on related issues and to schedule an appointment with “Temple’s Counsel” visit our counseling page, chat us up via our website or send a whatsapp message to +2348109055475.
4 Powerful Ways to Stop The Four Horsemen That Predicts Divorce
Meet the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse in Marriages?
After putting in over 40 years of research, Dr. John Gottman, Ph.D. showed that there were certain patterns that once introduced in a marriage could prove destructive to love and at the end destroy the love in the marriage. Research shows that these four interactions; criticism, defensiveness, stonewalling and contempt are very damaging to a marriage. When you learn to identify these horsemen in a marriage, you must be able to immediately help couples turn them around. Let’s quickly delve into the notorious four horsemen.
First Horseman – Criticism
I believe that a marriage that does not have conflicts is a marriage that may not grow. The same way tough times make us aspire for more and become better as individuals, conflict in marriages make us communicate with our partner and build better marriages. Criticism happens when you constantly blame your partner and makes them feel like something is fundamentally wrong with them.
If you discover that you or your partner constantly puts each other down by pointing out flaws, this horseman is already present in your marriage.
When you criticize someone its about them, when you complain, it’s usually about the topic or behavior. I’ll give you a really quick example.
You get to the kitchen after a hard day of cleaning and scrubbing only to discover that your partner had used the sink and didn’t clean it.
CRITICISM: What is wrong with you? Can’t you just learn for once and do the needful. Its so simple, clean up after washing.
COMPLAINT: Please lets clean up after using the sink like i’ve always said. It attracts ants if not cleaned.
Second Horseman – Defensiveness
It is human to defend yourself when under you feel criticized. The attack could be physical, emotional or mental but regardless of the kind, you will defend yourself when attacked. It’s important to know that there are times we need to draw a fine line between “feeling criticized”‘ and actually “being criticized” . This is hugely dependent on how your partner has been handling related issues or how much you personalize what is being said to you. When defending yourself from a perceived attack, you either retaliate with a counter-attack or simple adopt a victim stance.
If you truly want to excel in marriage, Never be the one who denies all charges. Accept what is true and change what can be changed in the moment.
Using our first scenario about the kitchen sink, This is what a defensive stance looks like
Defensive Stance: I have not even washed anything today, Why are you accusing me of pouring water all over the sink if i haven’t even been there?
Healthy Stance: Oh shoot! i know you keep asking me to clean up, Thing is i haven’t been in there today. I’ll clean up when next i use. Thanks for the heads up.
When you truly accept some responsibility for whatever must have happened, you exterminate Defensiveness. This way you are looking for something you agree with and not what you can bite on to. I see couples who due to defensiveness trigger their partners who react so badly that things get out of hand quickly.
Lastly, there is such a thing as understandable defensiveness when you are just being attacked by a partner for simply breathing in oxygen. Now you have to hold your breath around them to a point where you feel like it’s all not worth it.
Third Horseman: Stonewalling
Now, this is where things really get serious because from this stage, you decide to shut out your partner even if the both of you are in the same room. If they cannot take care of my emotional, mental or physical well-being, i might as well shut them out. At this point, the tell-tale signs begin to creep in.
A) Defiance Stance: When you notice that you’d rather be doing something else while your partner is talking to you, then you are definitely stonewalling them.
B) Little or No Eye-contact: In sessions, i see couples who cannot maintain eye contact. This is such a telling sign that a lot of damage has been done. At a recent event where i had the opportunity to speak to over 300 couples i played a little game where i asked couples to maintain eye contact for 10 seconds without making funny faces, saying anything, laughing or doing anything to take away from the seriousness of the moment. by a show of hands, It was obvious that only about 20% of the couples could complete this successfuly. The reason i understand is very simple.
Whoever told you the eyes were the windows to the soul was absolutely correct because if you looked closely into your partners eyes, you would see everything you have deposited in there staring back at you. – Temple Obike
C) Passive Aggressive Behavior: When you start making faces or just making gestures that show you are not really listening to what a partner is saying or doing.
When you stonewall you think its because you are so cool and not allowing things get to you but i hate to be the one who breaks this to you.
Stonewalling happens when you are internally overwhelmed with everything that is happening in your marriage or relationship. You get anxious easily, you experience palpitations and sometimes if not handled swiftly, you could become depressed. Sorry. – Temple Obike
For the stone-waller and the stone-walled (like the sound of this)
The moment you see yourself stonewalling your partner, you have given them reason to start fighting harder and trying even harder to be seen and heard. They will escalate whatever conflict you have with them because they feel you must not ignore them.
For the partner who has been constantly criticized and pushed to a point of overt defensiveness, their silence means they are reflecting on everything that has been said and if they have a vindictive bone in them, are most likely thinking of ninety-nine reasons they shouldn’t be letting your negative energy seep through them anymore.
Well, both parties are wrong and MUST re-engage conversations by calming down and conversing again. 85% of the time,, men do most of the stonewalling because 99.9% of the time women do the talking. Guys, one of the things you must first of all identify in therapy is why you stone wall your spouse and then you learn how to calm down. Ladies, for you it’s very important that you understand how your behavior negatively affects your partner thereby making him look disinterested. When the both of you learn to break these patterns, you will become immune.
Then it’s time to re-engage in conversation. It’s helpful also for the woman to understand that her behavior actually greatly impacts her partner, and he’s managing that impact by looking “disinterested.”
Fourth Horseman: Contempt
The final Horseman is contempt. Contempt is a thing that is born in marriages where resentment, toxicity, a lack of communication and more have been allowed to fester. Contempt always happens when the relationship has fully broken down. The moment you and your partner resort to threats, insulting each other, using derogatory terms on each other then you are here.
These traits mentioned are all a form of emotional abuse and they kill love. The state of being contemptuous is by itself an act that seeks to bring down, ridicule or make a partner look bad in an attempt to look better.
In many families before providing them with the required help, I noticed that the husband’s most times were willing to with-hold help from a wife in need just to make her firstly get hurt and then learn from that mistake.
The moment contempt has you in it’s clutch, you suddenly becomes a man or woman who always looks for negative things about your partner. When you do find this, you deliver the report to your partner with such intensity that’s geared to cause emotional and psychological damage. In extreme cases, research has linked contempt to the prevalence of certain infectious illnesses in the life of the person receiving this. This usually shows up in childhood and if not carefully handled can take over in adulthood with or without the presence of a toxic relationship.
The non-verbal ways of identifying contempt is with passive aggressiveness such as eye-rolling, or mimicry.
The quickest way to kill this demon is by becoming appreciative of your partner Yes I called it that “a demon” and it has nothing to do with my Sunday mood. A state of mind that makes you want to literally see someone else get hurt is not purely a human action.
To fully eradicate contempt from your marriage is a long-term process but the very first thing you can do is to begin to talk about issues from your own perspective. Shed light on your feelings, anguish, desires and frustrations.
Lastly, for the therapist dealing with couple’s who come in for proper marriage counseling, the first exploratory session may be given to de-escalating and unpacking all the negatives but moving forward, real therapists take control of the room and quench the negative energy. From that moment onwards, it is now time to talk about your feelings and not about what is wrong with your partner. For couples who may be attempting to do this by themselves from home, this is my advice to you as well. Sit down as a couple and resist the urge to talk about your partner’s fault. Talk about your feelings for once as your partner listens and vice versa. This is how true change and positive energy gets introduced into your marriage.
I Caught My Partner Cheating : 4 Powerful Walk Through Guides
I Caught My Partner Cheating : A Walk Through Guide is an article many require to help them navigate murky relationship waters. It isn’t strange to receive those random messages from individuals torn apart by the fact that their partner was cheating. They just caught their partner right at this very moment cheating. WHAT DO I DO NEXT? As a case study, we will use one that was really touching because it was enough to lose hope in humanity.
100 investment ideas in 2022 you should not miss. Start with Less than $100
100 investment ideas you can begin with less than $100. Have you ever dreamed of starting your own business? What’s holding you back?
If the answer is not having enough money to get started, then here’s some excellent news: You can start countless businesses with less than $100.
People do many odd jobs to pay the bills, and no matter what your skills are, there are ways to put them to work. It doesn’t matter if you’re a handyman or an online marketing expert — you can still make extra money on the side.
Here are 100 business ideas to get you started.
Direct sales representative
Being a local sales representative for companies like Avon, Mary Kay, and Pampered Chef requires you to spread the word about their products by hosting a party or selling them online. Most starter kits cost around $100 and provide you with everything you need to become a sales rep.
If you already have the knowledge or experience in a specific area, such as providing legal advice or showing business how to become more eco-friendly, then you can easily start your own consulting agency. The main costs involved are marketing your business and networking, so invest in a website and business cards. Here is an example consulting guide.
Senior home companion
In 2016, there were more than 49 million people in the U.S. alone aged 65 years or older. That figure is expected to grow to around 98 million in 2060. That means that there are lot of seniors who looking for someone to keep them company or families looking for advice on how to care for their loved ones.
There are a lot of students who need assistance in every subject, ranging from elementary school to college. If you have this knowledge, then starting your own tutoring service can be an appealing business idea that requires almost no capital. After all, the students already have the learning materials with them.
Whether you’re a writer or web developer, freelancing can be a lucrative business idea that pretty much requires nothing more than your talent, laptop and internet connection. Thanks to the numerous websites that post freelance gigs, you should have no problem starting out. Here is a freelancer guide that will help you every step of the way.
Vlog with YouTube
Since every laptop, tablet, and smartphone comes equipped with a built-in camera, anyone can start creating videos and posting them to YouTube. If you have knowledge you want to share, or are just incredibly charismatic, then you can start profiting from your vlog through ads.
If you have a garage, tools and knowledge, then why not start your own auto repair shop? Even if you don’t have a garage, you could start a mobile auto repair business where you go to the broken-down vehicle.
If you like the idea of working with vehicles but you aren’t a mechanic, then consider washing and detailing cars. (I had a former colleague who did this on the side, and eventually, he was able to make this into a full-time gig through word-of-mouth recommendations at work.)
Sharing economy rentals
Thanks to the “sharing economy,” more and more people are opting to rent items instead of purchasing them. You can rent out things ranging from your parking space to your furniture. Try starting with a niche and slowly working your way up. For example, you could start renting out yard equipment like rakes, shovels or leaf blowers. If you don’t already own them, you can purchase them for less than $100.
Managing web design
There are countless sites out there that teach you basic web design. Learn a new skill today. Even if you aren’t a web designer, you could find a designer affordably and still charge less than professional web design firms. They key here is managing the process — most businesses don’t want to do this and are willing to pay.
If you’re able to make minor household repairs, like switching out a broken electrical outlet or sealing a pipe under the kitchen sink, then this is another in-demand business that doesn’t cost much to launch. You could even consider starting out on TaskRabbit, a marketplace platform for small jobs.
Plenty of people are indecisive when it comes to their food. That’s why they’re willing to hire someone to help them plan out their meals. This is a low-cost idea for anyone who enjoys working with food but doesn’t have the resources to prepare and serve it.
This idea essentially requires no initial investment. You can start asking your family, friends and neighbors if they need someone to watch their home or pet when they go out of town.
If you have a green thumb, enjoy being outside and have the tools to get started — like a lawnmower, weed-whacker or chainsaw — then this is a no-brainer of a business idea. The only main cost is advertising and marketing your business.
Homemade gourmet foods
Whether if it’s soup mixes, jellies or chocolates, people love gourmet food products. And since you probably already have a kitchen, you just need cooking supplies, packaging and basic marketing materials to get started.
We live in a materialistic world, and it’s easy to start getting overwhelmed by all the stuff that’s consuming our homes. Just look at the rising popularity of Marie Kondo. Professional organizers can help people get their homes back in order for no more than $20 or so on classified ads.
Green cleaning service
Cleaning services are a dime a dozen. You can stand out from the competition by offering a green cleaning service that uses eco-friendly and natural products. You may even be able to make some of them yourself and sell them for extra cash.
Some major grocery stores offer delivery services, but not all of them do. There’s a chance your local supermarket doesn’t, either. That’s when you can charge customers to have you go to the store for them and then deliver groceries to their homes.
A personal concierge takes care of everything from taking clients to the airport, bringing the dog to the vet or managing schedules. It’s essentially being someone’s personal assistant.
Creating information products
If you have experience with a specific niche, then you can start selling your knowledge by creating products like eBooks or instructional videos. The cost is usually no more than your time, domain name and web hosting.
If you’re familiar with a specific topic, then you can launch a blog where you share your knowledge. You can earn money by selling ad space, becoming an affiliate or starting a subscription service. Here’s a resource to getting started with blogging. (I followed its tips and was able to personally create a solid four-figure income within around 12 months.)
Related: 10 Keys to Make Millions Blogging
Window-cleaning is many people’s least favorite household chore, and a window-cleaning service doesn’t require much capital to become profitable.
Both homeowners and business owners are looking for people to design comfortable, organized and productive spaces.
Local businesses still hire people companies to hand out fliers or place them under windshield wipers. You essentially just need to make a lot of copies, and that’s not a major investment.
Learning how to program or code, such as with the object-oriented dynamic programming language known as Ruby, is one of the most lucrative business out there. Here’s a guide to starting a developer business to help get you started.
This job is similar to being a personal assistant — answering phone calls, responding to emails and keeping your client’s schedule. The difference? You do this remotely.
Businesses and individuals are always on the lookout for people to manage and maintain their social channels for them, and many businesses will pay $500 or more a month for these services.
Believe it or not, not all businesses have in-house project managers, which means that projects can quickly get off-track. Companies are often willing to hire outside project managers to keep their teams focused.
There are a lot of small businesses and individuals who need services like typing, transcribing and proofreading. As long as you’ve got a computer, a printer and the necessary skills, your business should be good to go.
If you’re an outstanding cook but don’t want to invest in a restaurant, then you can start your own catering business directly from your own kitchen.
Want to put your own spin on a repair service? Start one that involves you going to the client. Whether if it’s fixing a mobile phone, a computer or a piece of furniture, this idea doesn’t require more than a vehicle, marketing and your own expertise.
A lot of people have difficulty writing amazing resumes, and that may cause them to lose out on a job they’ve been eyeing. If you have knack for composing resumes, it can become a profitable business. (I personally have paid $100 several times for people to get my resume in shape.)
Everyone wants their home or office to look festive for an upcoming holiday, but not everyone can make that happen. If you can pull off that holiday cheer, then this is another business that doesn’t require much capital.
You can buy a domain on the cheap — sometimes for less than $1. If a business comes along and needs that domain, sometimes they’ll be willing to pay top-dollar for it.
Using a site like Flippa, you can purchase a website, build it up and sell it. You can turn this into a lucrative business. (I personally have been able to make around $25,000 to $30,000 flipping websites each year.)
Cleaning dryer ducts
Dryers get jammed with lint, and if too much builds up, you could have a house fire on your hands. Since this is an area that’s often overlooked, you can start a dryer duct-cleaning business with just a vacuum and some basic marketing.
If you know your area like the back of your hand, then you can start charging tourists for a personalized tour of your hometown.
If you have a blog with a significant amount of followers, then you can become an affiliate. Essentially, this means that whenever you recommend ther people’s products or services, you can use your own special affiliate link that you’ve requested from the company (or a marketplace like Amazon). Whenever a visitor clicks on that link and makes a purchase, you’ll receive a commission.
Dropshipping is selling products for companies on sites like eBay. Whenever the product is sold, the company handles everything else, such as shipping.
If you have snow shovels and maybe even a plow, then this business idea can make you serious cash. However, it’s completely dependent on the weather. (When I lived in Utah, I paid a neighbor $25 every time it snowed to shovel my driveway and walkway, and it only took him half an hour.)
If you enjoy being around pets and can bathe them, cut their nails and give them a decent haircut, then this can be a serious money-maker without much of an investment.
It’s definitely not the most glamorous job, but you’d be doing something that most people dread so much that they’d pay someone else to do it for them.
Event or party planner
If you’re organized and a planner, then taking care of the arrangements for birthdays, retirements or weddings can be a profitable business.
Computer repair and maintenance provider
Think of all the computers out there that crash or need updates. Do you think that each owner has the technical knowledge to handle any troubleshooting problems? Consider starting your own service.
Life coach or mentor
Many people hire coaches or mentors to help them with things like losing weight or finding happiness. (I’ve found that most life coaches charge $50 to $250 an hour.)
It’s important for both businesses and individuals to keep their files neat and tidy, but not all of them have the time to do so. That’s when they hire someone to keep their books in order for them. (I pay my bookkeeper $30 an hour, and I found her on a local website with a classified listing that she paid $50 per month for.)
Preparing taxes is another necessity, but most of us don’t have the time or knowledge to take care of this task. If you’re up-to-date on the latest tax regulations and enjoy crunching numbers, this can be a lucrative business during tax season.
Did you know that both Amazon and Apple have book-publishing arms? Whether you write an instructional book, cookbook or sci-fi adventure, you can now publish it at almost no cost.
Installing your own flooring may sound easy, but it can get tricky. That’s when you can save the day by installing floors for others. Best of all, you don’t need to worry about inventory — you’d only be focused on installation.
Painting addresses on curbs
Many office and residential customers would gladly pay you to spray-paint their address on the curb. You’d just need some spray paint and an address kit to get started.
Parking lot striping
There are plenty of parking lots that need new stripes. You can start off with a straightedge tool and spray paint. As you earn more money, you can purchase professional equipment.
If you’ve already created a successful business, then you can actually turn that knowledge and experience into a new business. New business owners will pay for someone to help guide them in developing their own successful business plan.
Homemade natural soaps and beauty products
Selling natural products is a thriving business. Even if you don’t feel comfortable making your own natural soaps and beauty products, you can dropship for companies that do.
If you’re a creative individual, then designing logos is a relatively easy business to start. You can do anything from designing unique logos to customizing ideas from templates. Here’s a guide to starting a design business that should help you every step of the way.
Businesses are desperately in need of individuals who can speak the language of whatever market they’re entering.
If you’re handy and spot a used piece of furniture that needs some TLC, you could make the repairs and resell. That’s pretty much all profit.
People have been making a living for years off of eBay by selling their old junk, reselling items and dropshipping.
With the mobile revolution in full swing, the demand for apps has never been higher. Even if you don’t have programming skills, you can still hire someone to make your app a reality.
Unlike catering, which may only keep you busy a couple of days per week, personal chefs are responsible for cooking breakfast, lunch and/or dinner for clients. However, you can spend most of your time preparing meals that just need to be reheated. That allows you to take on more clients.
Even though health is a priority for most of us, it can be challenge to not only stay on track but also make sure that you exercise correctly without injuring yourself. By becoming a personal trainer, you can motivate and monitor people while they exercise.
If you don’t have the tools or skills to build something from scratch, you can always modify or beautify an existing product. Take mosquito nets, for example — they’re bland, but you could decorate them with ribbon or beads to create a unique product.
There’s always a demand for photographers at special events like weddings. Here’s a guide to starting a photography business to get you started.
After procuring tools like a sander, a matte-cutter, a glass-cutter, tape, clamps, saws, miter boxes, picture-hangers, a stapler and glue, all you need for this business is marketing.
Flea markets are still thriving, and you can usually rent out a spot for the day for just $20. You can sell anything from the junk laying around your house to the produce you grew in your backyard to handmade crafts. In many areas, there are multiple flea markets taking place throughout any given week, so this can easily become a frequent gig.
Online content producer
Businesses need lots of content today. If they don’t have an in-house team to create and produce content, they often hire talented outside individuals to do it for them. (There are businesses that pay $50 per blog post, such as mine — here’s my own content marketing guide to help you in your journey.)
Everyone should have a website these days, and for the people who don’t have the time or knowledge, you can develop their website for them.
Selling plants online
If you have a green thumb and the space, then you can sell plants online. It’s actually a growing niche since people are becoming more concerned about where their plants originated from, and you can probably charge less the big box stores.
If you’ve got above-average penmanship, then you can charge people to create handwritten invitations.
If you can make handmade crafts, like jewelry and furniture, then you can sell those products on sites like Etsy.
You’ll definitely need to get the proper licenses and permits, but this is a business that you can start at home. In some areas, daycare costs around $15 an hour, so this can be a very lucrative business.
Cleaning out foreclosed homes
Whenever a bank forecloses on a home, they have to hire someone to clean the place out. If you don’t mind getting a little dirty, you don’t need much to start this kind of business.
Recycling scrap metal
Some people drive around and take junk, such as broken dryers, off of people’s hands full-time. Why? Because they can scrap that metal. Just keep in mind that the more valuable metals are aluminum and copper.
Internet security consultant
Security is a major concern for businesses and individuals. Besides expertise and some marketing, it doesn’t cost much to start a business protecting others’ hardware and software.
If you can make a mean Manhattan, Cosmopolitan and other oft-ordered drinks, try marketing yourself as a freelance bartender for private parties and events.
Consider yourself to be the next Cesar Millan? This is another low-cost business idea with the potential for high profits.
Whether a new business or family just moved into town, you can can refer them to the right vendors, babysitters or restaurants. Your only cost would be networking and marketing yourself to the community.
No one likes the hassle of packing up for a move. That’s why they’ll hire other people to pack and load their belongings up. You really don’t need to purchase anything without reimbursement, since boxes and tape will be included in your final price. You’ll probably still be a cheaper option than professional movers.
Writing and/or recording a song
If you have the musical chops, you can make a career out of writing your own music. And it doesn’t have to be the latest Taylor Swift single — you could write jingles for podcasts or local businesses.
Concert and show promotion
If you have some experience in marketing and are passionate about spreading the word about upcoming events, then you can start working with artists, venues and labels to generate buzz with essentially no investment on your part.
Tester or reviewer
Companies are often looking for individuals to test and review their products. You can also start your own blog where you review products in a certain niche.
Sites like Etsy now make it accessible for you to sell your unique fashion designs. Even if you’re not into high fashion, you can start creating your own T-shirts and produce through sites like CafePress.
Whether if it’s for a special occasion like a wedding or for Halloween, people often pay a significant amount for someone to do their makeup.
If you’re up-to-date on the current styles and can cut hair, then you can start your own salon from your home.
Selling snacks and drinks
Have you ever left a sporting event or concert thirsty and starving? We’ve all been there. That’s why you see people selling bottles of water and hot dogs after an event. Unlike investing in a food truck or cart, you can start off with just a cooler.
Now that businesses are creating their own content, such as videos and podcasts, they’re looking for golden voices. If that’s something that you possess, then you could turn it into a lucrative career.
You can buy a beer kit for less than $100 and start tinkering around with brewing your own beer. (I have a family friend who did this with friends and now has his own microbrewery.)
You don’t need a vineyard to start making wine. You can start by growing some of your own grapes or purchasing juice. If your small batch of wine turns out well and you start making some cash, you could eventually start your own vineyard or winery.
Farm-fresh eggs are a big business right now. You can get in on the action by purchasing a couple of hens and building your own chicken coop.
The size of the market for home-baked bread might surprise you. (I know woman who makes her own bread by working just a couple of days a week, and people line up to purchase it.)
Creating customized care packages
Many people enjoy customized care packages that they can give out as gifts. To begin, you need to find a niche, like holiday packages, and start filling baskets with goodies.
You can sell lessons teaching people to play an instrument, cook a meal or even work out. You essentially just need your own knowledge and marketing to get started.
If you have an extra room or home, consider renting it out on Airbnb instead of letting it sit there vacant. (I personally was able to make around $3,000 a month last year renting out a section of my home.)
Landlords can’t always check in on their properties or maintain them via cleaning and mowing. A property management company takes care of these tasks for busy landlords.
Almost everyone has clothes that need to be cleaned or ironed, and oftentimes they don’t have the patience or time to handle these chores on our own. That’s why many people pay others to do it for them.
Clothing alteration service
If you know how to sew or replace buttons or zippers, then you’ve got a new business idea for people who can’t part with their favorite pieces of clothing. It’s also inexpensive to launch this type of business.
Online dating consultant
More and more people are turning to online dating to find a match, but it can be overwhelming when just starting out. If you have experience in the area, then some people are willing to pay for advice.
You can find products or services for local businesses and resell them at a markup.
Even though there are hundreds of travel websites out there, most people don’t have the time or patience to compare the prices on flights and hotel rates. That’s why there’s still a need for people to do the legwork for them.
Whether it’s carving a doll out of wood or making use of a 3D printer, making toys can be a lucrative business idea.
Some people feel they can’t leave the office to pick up food, and others would rather not leave their homes. That’s when they’ll contact you to pick up and deliver food to their doors.
Finest Places in Lagos you Must Visit for a Vacation
Here are some of the finest places in lagos you must visit for a vacation. Generally, adventures and tourism are some of the popular things many of us engage in after a long time of working tirelessly. Let your destination be in Lagos this time round; this is the best place to relax with your loved ones enjoying natural and unique establishments. Without further ado, consider the below-detailed list of top tourist attractions in Lagos.
1. The Nike center for Art and Culture
Nike art Galley was founded by a legend known as Oyenike Monica Okundaye. This is the place of a unique art gallery, workshop, and artist retreat. When you visit the place inside, you will find Nigerian sculptors, craftsmen, and artist honing their skills.
Further, you will love the different levels filled into the brim and with one of the biggest collections in African art or preferably the Nike herself. Admirably, you will be charged nothing to enter inside, and this makes it among the fun and memorable activities to do here in Lagos. Additionally, you can purchase some nice-looking things that you will like.
2. Lekki Conservation Center
This place is very amazing and cool. It was built in 78-hectare in Lagos state. Once you visit lekki, you will immerse yourself in all beauties of nature on an amazing trip. You can even climb the canopy trees, located in the longest canopy Walk Bridge in Africa.
This canopy wall is approximately 401-meter long. You will love the bridge swings while walking on it; it is the top engineering feat bridge. Further, you find a family park, the best world-class picnic that provides sporting facilities, nature walks, and a picnic.
3. National museum
The national museum is in Onikan Lagos and was established back in 1957 before Nigeria gained independence. Essentially, this national museum is among the top-rated tourist attraction in Lagos. The place has great and attractive collections in ethnography, archaeology, and traditional art.
It also has the best galleries which are dedicated to brasses from Benin City and others related. Further, this museum houses an amazing bullet-ridden car that belonged to the country’s former Head of State, who got assassinated in 1976.
Additionally, the museum has a small, decent crafts village with handicrafts and woodcarvings for sale at affordable prices. Besides, if you love history, you need to visit this place for amazing history ever.
4. Freedom park, Lagos
This park is a leisure and memorial park here in Lagos Island. The park was formerly broad street prison to her Majesty. It was constructed to preserve the cultural heritage and history of Nigerians purposely. The monument in this park reveals Lagos colonials heritage and also the fact history of Her Majesty’s. However, the park also serves as national memorials, cultural sites, recreation Centres, historical landmarks, and arts.
5. Tarkwa Bay Beach
This is a sheltered beach near Lagos Harbor. Tarkwa is a popular place with water –sports and swimmers enthusiasts. And also, it is the main home of welcoming the resident community. Unlike most public beaches here in Lagos, Tarkwa is not overcrowded or noisy.
Further, you will enjoy this beautiful and amazing island far removed from Lagos’ bustle and hustle. Besides, this is the place to visit in some lonely moments or a preferably fun day with your loved ones.
6. National theatre
A cultural landmark and architectural masterpiece, the tower is among the best properties in Nigeria, which have stood the test of duration. National Theatre offers an avenue for the tourist to learn more about the history and arts while also having fun in its cool and lush environment.
This place was constructed back in 1976 by General Yakubu Gowon’s military regime and later completed by General Olusegun Obasanjo. National Theatre is a unique house of ancient art, and also it is progressing by inviting the new modern artist. You will love how this place fascinates both exterior and interior designs.
7. Visit the new Afrika Shrine
Don’t worry about your nightlife escapades while in Lagos; I got you fully covered. Fela shrine will make your nightlife most enjoyable and memorable. In the new Afrika shrine, you will enjoy the inspiring story-telling lyrics, political education, sacrosanct palm-wine, and a good lesson in “shaking-it.”
This place is an entertaining open-air center located in Ikeja Lagos. Further, this beautiful place serves as the main host location of all annual celebration music festivals. The new Afrika shrine best showcases image galleries of musical performances and Fela by Seun Kuti and Femi Kuti makes it among the best tourist attractions.
8. Club Ouilox
The lovers of the club, we made your night here in Lagos. Put on your party shoes since equinox will get you fully covered. This is the best place to be every Friday night; it is popular for socialites and celebrities. Many tourists who came here described equinox as addictive, may it be you alone or with your friends, you will not get bored even a minute in this club.
9. Hi-impact planet
The hi-impact planets provide world-class fun for both old and young tourists. Here you will enjoy the unique rides, games, and other types of entertaining attractions. You and your loved ones will have a good time and also form magical memories here. Besides, while in Hi-impact planet, grab a pastry or snack of fun, enjoy the full-brown intercontinental local foods at park three food courts.
10. Ikeja city mall
Every day you will find many visitors and Lagosians walk down this mall. This mall was developed by best Broll property services back in 2011 and comprised more than 100 new stores. Ikeja mall is the home of all classy banks, departmental stores, jewelers, hairdressing, cafes, restaurants, bars, ice-skating arena, beauty salon, and many other’s related.
The mall also features large car parking and houses of enormous whole foods. You will love to visit different silver bird cinemas, ShopRite supermarkets, and many other beautiful places inside this Ikeja mall. Admirable stuff in Ikeja is affordable not to break someone’s bank account.
HERE ARE OTHE|R AMAZING PLACES THAT COULD BE EXCITING TO VISIT WHEN IN LAGOS
Teslim Balogun Stadium
This FIFA rated stadium faces the National Stadium and has some of the best sporting facilities in the country. It witnesses numerous top-billed sporting festivals and events, particularly local and international football matches.
Located in Surulere.
Third Mainland Bridge
Third Mainland Bridge is the longest bridge in Nigeria and the second longest in Africa. It is flanked on both sides by the Lagos Lagoon and records the highest amount of traffic in the state on weekdays.
Location: Oworonshoki – Adeniji Adele, Lagos Island.
Jhalobia Recreation Park and Gardens
As one of the most beautiful gardens in the entire country, visit Jhalobia for your landscaping options, or to simply enjoy the provisions of its fantastic surroundings.
Located on Murtala Muhammed Airport road in Ikeja.
National Arts Theatre
It’s almost impossible to miss this unique landmark, due to its 31-meter height and architectural design. The National Arts Theatre is profoundly symbolic to performing arts in Nigeria.
Located at Iganmu, Surulere.
La Campagne Tropicana Beach Resort
La Campagne’s exquisite environment captures and reflects the beauty and grandeur of Nigerian and African designs, cultures, and traditions. You can take it all in while enjoying your view of the Atlantic.
Located at Ikegun in Ibeju-Lekki.
The first of a chain of entertainment centers within and beyond Nigeria, Silverbird Galleria’s magnificent structure stands as Lagos’ monumental figure for all things movies.
Located on Ahmadu Bello Way in Victoria Island.
Inagbe Grand Resorts and Leisure
An island of sun, fun, and the beach. Visitors holidaying at Inagbe resort are provided with a tasteful and sophisticated environment for relaxation and excitement.
Located at Amuwo Odofin, Lagos.
Iga Idunganran (The Oba’s Palace)
Iga idunganran is where the Oba (Lagos’ monarch) resides. The palace was built in the 15th century and features ancient tombs and shrines. It also plays host to traditional festivities and tourists.
Located on Lagos Island.
This popular landmark features fountains, flowers, trees, and a life-sized statue of a historical figure—Madam Efunroye Tinubu.
Located on Broad Street in Lagos Island.
Kalakuta Republic Museum
Another solidification of Fela’s iconic status, the Kalakuta Republic Museum was once a family house of the Ransome-Kuti’s. Now, the one-story structure is where to go to get a look and feel of the legend’s former belongings, both professional and personal.
Located on Gbemisola Street in Ikeja.
Eko Hotels and Suites
A visit to Lagos is incomplete if you don’t stop by at the impressive Eko Hotels and Suites. In addition to its excellent hospitality, Eko hosts the biggest, trendiest, and most exclusive events within its grand buildings.
Located in Victoria Island.
The first thing that strikes you about this multi-purpose events facility is its urban architectural design. The next thing is how only the most sophisticated events seem to take place there.
Located on Ozumba Mbadiwe Road in Victoria Island.
Yet another captivating getaway that Lagos city has to offer, the quiet town and coastline of Ikare is perfect for those who don’t need to get loud to have the time of their lives.
Located at Ikare.
Well this was a list compiled from amazing sources such as theculturetrip.com and undp.org .
We hope your next outing or trip to Lagos is set and good to go.
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