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My topic for today is “Every Cheating Partner MUST be doing 4 of these 13 things”. A topic i’m going to shed some light on because it’s become somewhat of a pressing need. Every Affair has a reason for beginning and in another article i wrote i described types of affairs and how to protect yourself from them

Sometime in 2018 after a workshop in Sandton. A gentleman walked up to me, greeted and asked. “Can you give me a couple of signs that show my partner may be cheating on me”. I was taken aback because back home in Nigeria this was fast becoming a fairly regular question as well.

It’s an amazing thing sitting in a quiet corner during a criminal questioning session and getting paid afterwards for deciphering body language. Talking to an inmate who obviously is telling the truth and deserves nothing about his current circumstances. Infact it’s exciting speaking to people and being able to help them unpack emotions and thoughts. However, the worst tragedy that can befall a human being is being able to read, interpret and predict human intention to an uncomfortable degree. This is simply because you will approach the relational aspect of your personal life with caution. Your most enjoyable moments will come when you drive, fly or simply go to remote places hundreds of miles away from familiar or simply decide to relate with someone without attempting to read them. This is the reason it’s a bit puzzling when humans try to find out the same things that could topple everything else.

In my young career I get asked a lot of questions but nothing as often as this line. “Temple, how can i know if my partner is having an affair?” People need to know this so badly that they are willing to pay for this. Unfortunately, payment collected for advice that has no intention of helping solve an existing problem seems to me “a Judas Fee”. Rather than that, I decided to write about every classic tell-tale sign gathered across years of licensed practice. While these may be my opinion, I would advice you take it with a pinch of salt as we do not want you mislabeling the behavior of a loved one.(that’s my disclaimer). Without wasting time, here are my thoughts and these are for both dating and married couples.

Your Partner Is May be Cheating if,

A) A spike in Sexual interest or A lack of interest: There is an emotional detachment required to cheat. With those detachments the first things that go are those intimate nuances such as solid eye contact and kisses. Like some punishment they give themselves for cheating, they withdraw these from the relationship unconsciously because they have broken the trust that once existed. For others, you will notice that gifts and more sex are being given to you as over-compensation. Once any of these scenarios strike you as odd, then there is most likely an issue. Excuses may follow such as, the stress with the children, I’m so tired, work just got hectic etc. When this triggers a feeling of being alone and rejection, your fears may be real.

B) An Obsession with a Device (phone or laptop): When the work-related emergencies pile-up and business partners are hot buzzing their phones for discussions that need to happen behind closed doors you may need to worry. When having an affair, there is an obsession that tugs both ways. Like high-school teenagers in love, anxiety sets in when they can’t communicate and they can’t wait to contact each other “against all odds”. You “the one being cheated on” are the odds. In extreme cases, affair partners would have their lovers within eye-shot by inviting them to events they would be attending with their spouses. This gets the adrenaline levels spiking and the excitement is like a drug both parties require to keep ticking.

C) Your Partner’s Moral Compass Suddenly Comes Correct: When your partner suddenly starts quoting verses, becomes pious, throws them-self into charitable activities please look really well. If there was no Near Death Experience, a spiritual encounter or a life altering situation to trigger all of this, you may just be right in the middle of a P.R campaign. Imams, pastors, counselors, teachers, parents are not above temptation. The devil quotes the qua ran and bible too. If the partners actions do not match up with the newfound ways you are most likely a support character in a play. A play that’s all about a human’s struggle to attempt living correctly by at least talking like it while hoping their morals catch up.

D) No Ring: Many veteran cheaters no longer fall for this one but some pee-wee ones still forget to slip it back on. If this does happen and you get feedback such as i think i lost weight and it keeps falling off, it’s triggering my allergy etc. you may just have a bigger issue on your hands. You also need to know your partner and their behavioral patterns, spending patterns and what their scale of preference is. e.g. when a wife who thinks you spent much on a new dress spots an expensive necklace you didn’t buy for her, that’s something. Yes’ she could afford it with her own cash but the logic is in the fact that she doesn’t like spending much on frivolities. That’s the focus.

E) Off-guarded Name-drops & Innocent Consistent Banter about Someone: When the clouds are filled with vapor they release rain and in this same manner, when the brain is obsessed with a thing, it spills names, events or places. There’s a twisted form of excitement the cheating partner feels talking about their affair partner or having them around. Many individuals having affairs have their cheating mate right under their partners nose or have them making eye contact right at that event both of you attended. That’s the pull of an affair. Many may not agree right off the cuffs but that’s ok. In your quiet time when it’s just you, the walls and your emotions do give it another thought. When an individual (especially someone who has cheated before) mentions names of new restaurants they’ve been to, a name of a person etc. they just want you to share in their sick excitement. When you hear things like Mr. X’s wife is making life so hard for him or Mrs. P had even mentioned how sweet a person you are, understand that most humans are too deep into themselves to make out time for others. So when this happens, it’s based on a connection and not just random talks. You might be lucky to have that one great friend who is of the opposite sex but 90% of the time, straight heterosexual men and women can’t just be friends.


F) Money Lies: When your partner is in charge of the finances without you being involved, it could be for a lot of reasons. An article I wrote on Financial Infidelity mentions a lot of these reasons but let’s single out one of it. An affair. When finances becomes a topic not up for discussion, it’s usually followed up with secret accounts, secret debit cards you do not know about and a lot more. It’s never a bad thing asking your partner for clarification as it regards both your finances and no one should make you feel bad for doing so. It’s your right even if they are making more money. Secondly, if you observe payment receipts that do not tally with your partners routine (club, hotels, strip bars, areas near red-light buzz spots etc.), it might be cause for concern especially when they give bogus and almost unbelievable stories on why they had the receipts. 

G) Little Lies & (not-so) Elegant Excuses: Lying is a defense mechanism we learn as children. We know it’s bad and most times rather than tell a lie, most would rather give an excuse. This is a much better moral pill than going all out and lying. When a partner starts cheating, they cannot avoid excuses first and subsequently all out lies. The problem is that there is only a number of lies the human brain can keep up with. A human having an affair will tell lies but watch out for the little lies that don’t add up because the more complicated a lie gets, the weaker it’s base becomes. The little inconsistencies are what you should be concentrating on and not the superfluous yarn. Being called someone elses name, not being called your name too, Word’s like “Are you saying i’m lying”, “Don’t you remember?I already said this to you before” or that laughter/smug smirk that makes you feel like the shittiest emotionally dependent runt are all signs. I’ve seen it all play out before me only to discover she/he were just practicing for their Oscars.

H) Anger and Violence Meant to Distract: The shame and guilt that comes with cheating are always looking for expression.

“Pain that you do NOT transform MUST be transmitted” – Father Richard Rohr

These usually shows up in the most twisted mix of emotions. Rebellious defiance, anger and outright rage. The people on the receiving end are usually the ones who they secretly despise or resent for being committed, stable & trustworthy. Everything they currently aren’t. Most times you know this is the case with you if you are constantly always walking on glass around your own home, spouse or partner. One minute they are so angry, the next they are relaxed, then five minutes later withdrawn. You are only battling something known as the sin cycle. The aggression and fights are simply their ways of justifying the affair. They sell themselves a narrative about the committed partner such as you’re too emotional, uptight, not sexually appealing or anything else that will give them the opportunity to pack a bag and find solace in the arms of their lover where they can complain about you.

N.Bno let’s make it B.S : If you are having an affair, the least you can do is try not to use your committed partner as your reason for straying especially if you know it’s not true. Be man or woman enough to tell yourself the truth as this will firstly, help you negotiate the curve faster and maybe get on the road to recovery and secondly retain your partners dignity in the eyes of your lover. A portion of the lies that the rumour mills are agog with about people come from disgruntled mistresses or gigolos whose love interests have moved on but not without telling stories about their partners.

“Your Affair partners will ALWAYS change BUT the impressions and lies you told about your committed partner will never be corrected. It only gets corrected when you get found out on a public scale…It never ends well.”

For the man or woman cheating with someone’s partner/wife/husband here’s my honest advice to you. “Never Believe A Word”. A woman will say anything to get what she needs from you and a man will eat grass to get between your legs. Those moments with them though intimate are not the best times to gauge honesty as a majority erroneously believe. This is why the most functional courtesans and gigolos such as Madame de Pompadour, Nell Gwynn, Marie DuPlessis, Phaedo of Elis, Febbo di Poggio (Michael Angelo’s Lover) etc were the ones who knew how to separate the erotic from the emotional.

I) Frequent Travel: The “I’m going on a trip” line is one most committed partners have come to dread because it’s one of those scenarios that leaves them clueless on what their partner may be getting up to. Let’s dive into facts… We all know that the more frequently a partner travels the higher their chances of straying because travelling by itself has a momentary feeling of relief and freedom even if it’s work-related. Having established this fact, you may have an issue when your spouse or partner drops off the face of the planet every-time they travel. With all the FREELY available means of communication now within our grasp, there are only a few excuses that can now hold water when you are incommunicado. Here are somethings that may imply foul play especially for individuals who have given you reasons before now to doubt them.

  1. When your partner travels and have to contact you first because you’re unable to reach them when you try calling.
  2. When a partner is at a location different from where they say they are going to. Always take note of the background noises. A Yoruba song playing in the background when your husband is on a trip to Enugu is very possible but what are the chances? I can’t say.
  3. When travel trips suddenly get extended because “some meetings were re-scheduled”, “ad-hoc arrangements were made” etc.
  4. Taking into consideration the time zone your partners location is in, watch if they always call before dinner/nightfall and talk about having an early night. You might actually have have just been “handled” by someone with plans for an evening of debauchery.
  5. When you do not have the vessel number, hotel name or how long a trip may be for, red flags should go up.

J) I’m not a Public/Social/Social Media Person: This is one trait that has sheltered and saved lots of marriages. When one or both partners are not in the habit of displaying their life on social media they become elusive targets. However, when this is mentioned by a partner especially at the onset of a relationship, go the extra mile to find out if this is wholly true. This is simply because anyone who isn’t particularly proud to be associated with you on social media or hides their relationship with you may be prouder to be seen with some other person. It could also be that they aren’t willing to be seen with anyone to give off an impression that they are unattached. Do you know their family members and associates? Do they even have any family members in your opinion? Are most of the dates at home or occur at night in clandestine spots with a table located at the most hidden spots? Then you most likely aren’t number one or run the risk of having number one seeing you with their partner.

K) Oddities that that Stick Out: When it comes to cheating, even the all-time greats slip up and so will a cheating partner over time. When a partner decides to become observant, that is when they start noticing those little oddities that speak loudest. After a quick romp in the car, the seat may be reclined at a rather unusual angle than what your partner ordinarily puts it in. The car A.C vent may be turned off on the passenger side by a side-piece who doesn’t like the cold. Infact the shirt might have a little strand of flashy orange strand of hair different from your natural black. Outings like late-night cinema visits you can’t remember. The list goes on and on but the whole idea is to be observant.


L) The Mobile Phone: This is the latest addition of how to spot a cheater. Initially it was that odd stammering or that lipstick stain. However with the apps, communication tools etc. available on the mobile device, cheating has never been easier and convenient. Handing over a phone to your partner should never be a problem neither should taking a call or reading a torrent of texts coming in but because a lot of people have erased certain moral lines with their phone habits, it’s a difficult thing to do. A pass worded phone is one that’s suspect (Yes, i believe your phone is yours but if you password your phone so a partner can’t access it then all isn’t well. Please note, emotional, financial, verbal and fantasy are all types of cheating). A partner with a second phone is also a concern and someone who has a previous history of cheating should be looked into when multiple sim-cards start showing up. Other tell-tale signs of a cheating partner are phone calls taken in the car, on the driveway before they come into the house or behind locked doors in any room. Even if a partner takes their call in front of you, observe their body language when you move towards them. 

LET’S TALK. I Become Something Else by Night (Double Lives)

M) Working Late: We understand that sometimes work may pile up and demand extra hours. However, if this becomes highly unpredictable, requires them dropping off a colleague of the opposite gender then you should be on high alert. A sure-fire sign is usually coming home without any interest in dinner. There’s no shame in driving to your spouse or partners office with dinner or just passing by to say hi and then calling them while you are there. If they are having a meal with a potential business associate/ client in the evenings, there is nothing absolutely wrong with that if you are in the know (i.e. if you’re emotionally mature and not work yourself into a jealous rage). Asides from this scenario, no employee should be alone with a colleague of the opposite gender way past office hours (I’m talking 7pm and above). If your company allows that time for reconciliations, that is terrible company policy that could open up an avenue for extra-marital affairs.


Now that you confirmed, What next?

Human beings usually get to a point where they change because they simply decided to. Even a partner caught in the very act may not just change. The excitement, fantasy, false validation and feeling on invincibility (false again) that affairs offer are way too strong for most cheaters. Even when they say they are sorry, it may be for a moment and only because they got caught. If you push too hard especially in a relationship, they simply replace you with someone more gullible. For cheaters who are addicted to the thrill and the sex, i can assure you that the repairs required go beyond the infidelity because cheating most times opens up it’s victims to other vices such as spousal abuse, excessive drinking, marital rape and much more. All these other vices gives almost the same false highs derived from cheating. If you are not ready for the work involved in rehabilitating a cheating spouse, it’s best you move on because it involves quite a bit of work. If you have decided to move on, one of the first things you need to do is get an STI test, begin collating evidence required in court and take the bold step of moving on. However if you want to stay and work on the relationship, Click here for my article on how to rebuild trust after an affair.

Well, these are some of the signs I’ve noticed over these past years in my career talking to people who cheated and the ones who were cheated on. As always, i hope this piece on “signs my partner may be cheating on me” helped someone. I feel better dropping it here rather than saying it to one person. It levels out the playing field for everyone. If you are struggling with an affair and would love to talk about it, You know how to reach me. Don’t wait until you get caught, your career crashes, your family life dis-integrates or your squeaky public image gets dented before seeking help.

Answers by Obike Temple

A Counselor, psychotherapist, brand-Sage and entrepreneur who has counseled over three-hundred couples, individuals, substance abuse and grief-stricken clients.


For more information on related issues and to schedule an appointment with “Temple’s Counsel” visit our counseling page, chat us up via our website or send a whatsapp message to +2348109055475.

International Appointments are scheduled within 24 hours when clients make payments via this link here and then sending an email with the receipt of payment to Thanks to everyone who has supported what we do by giving and for everyone else who’d like to support us, please use this link here.

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7 Divorced Women Give Advice on What to Know Before Marriage

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7 divorced women and their advice on what you need to know before marriage is an important one for me. While researching on a topic i stumbled on the most realistic piece i had ever seen on advice given by divorced women on what to consider before getting married. This will truly help you and your partner get the best perspective on where your marriage is or what went wrong. The credits on this piece go to Ms. Ella Quittner.

In pursuit of good advice, I spoke with seven individuals who’ve seen matrimony from all angles: women who got married and then divorced. I asked about life as a legally bound couple, and what they think one should consider before becoming part of one themselves. A few things quickly became clear: honesty and trust are paramount, inorganic personal growth from a partner is non-negotiable and nothing can beat knowing yourself.

Here’s what they had to say.

On the Decision to Get Married—and What They Wish They’d Thought About

“I wish I’d thought about my life 20 years down the road. We both were in a deeply religious lifestyle at the time, and the community we lived in celebrated marriage, so we stepped into it quickly. I had spoken about my hopes and dreams to my future spouse multiple times; I wish I hadn’t assumed he carried those dreams, too. Maybe I interpreted love as an automatic sharing of dreams for one another? My assumption that my dreams would be equally prioritized is something I regret.”
—Beth*, 31, tech operations, New York (married at 20, divorced at 29)

“The relationship was six years long at [the time we decided to get married], it seemed like the logical next step. Graduate school and kids were on the radar next. I wish I would’ve dated more in my 20s, lived life solo longer, and been pickier. I wish I would’ve listened to my gut and not said ‘yes’ (but I didn’t know how to then, and women are often programmed in our society to ignore their gut).”
—Rebecca, 41, full-time mother, Oregon (married at 29, divorced at 40)

“I was 20 when I got engaged to a then 34-year-old, which gave me some kind of dangerously inflated ego. I thought I was so special for being one of the first of my peers to embark on this life event, and mature for my age because I was engaged to a much-older man. I wish I knew then that there are more important and validating things to aspire to than marriage, and the bragging rights I thought I earned as a young bride were overrated.”
—Carrie, 27, illustrator, painter & tattoo apprentice, Amsterdam (married at 23, divorced at 24)

“We had been dating for more than a year, he was 32, and it seemed at the time to be the next logical step in the relationship. Both of us being children of immigrants, World War II survivors, our goal was to please our parents—have successful marriages, careers, and children who would, of course, then repeat this pattern. I wish I’d thought about myself and not about what my parents wanted. I wish I’d felt less obligated to others and I wish I’d cared less about what my larger community thought.”
—Pia, 57, writer & executive director of a non-profit, California (married at 27, divorced at 50)

“I was three months pregnant, and I’d been raised in a strict Catholic family. The idea of anything besides marriage wasn’t fathomable. And I wasn’t thinking past the fairytale of the wedding day—there was a blindness of how hard it would be in real life. I was focused on the fairytale: we can be anyone, do anything, raise a baby.”
—Lauren*, 50, entrepreneur, California (married at 24, divorced at 25)

“It was a semi-arranged marriage. We’d met over the phone and had been introduced by a family contact, and we talked over the phone for a couple of months, but we lived in different countries. And then we basically met and decided. It happened pretty quickly. At the time, I felt like it was the right thing to do. I was thinking about someone who was kind and generous, and who was easy to talk to, and who was interested in me, and someone I thought would be a good parent. Someone who had the same religion or was interested in the same cultural activities as me. But sometimes those similarities you may have—food, culture, religion—may not translate to the way people view the world or more defined roles in a marriage or communication styles, which turned out to be very important.”
—Neesha*, 53, mental health professional, Washington (married in early 20s, divorced in late 20s)

On How Their Relationships Changed After Marriage

“We turned inward. Less reliance on friends and more (too much) time with each other. Our world got smaller and our activities mostly with each other.”
—Rebecca, 41


“Complacency. He thought our married fate was sealed and subsequently stopped putting in work and I stopped asking him to. I thought silence was easier than fighting, but I was wrong.“
—Carrie, 27

“The level of responsibility we faced and discovering how unprepared we were for it. How we needed to be responsible to each other, then to a business and then to our children. It was stunning. What changed was we didn’t have fun anymore, we didn’t know how—we hadn’t had the example—to step away from work and enjoy life and each other alongside our responsibilities.”
—Pia, 57

“Respect. That changed the quickest and the most. Our marriage kind of fell apart close to the beginning. In that situation, it was related to the fact that we really didn’t know each other, and both of us went in with different expectations. We didn’t spend appreciable time together before getting married.”
—Neesha, 53

“Me, [I changed]. I grew into myself, developed feminist values, and began to feel trapped in a life I chose as a 20 year old. All of a sudden, my status as being half of a ‘power couple’ dynamic felt suffocating and I began to get more and more frustrated with not being truly heard.”
——Tiffany, 33, Innovation Management, Sweden (married at 22, divorced at 33)

On What They Wish They’d Known About Their Partners—and Themselves—Before Getting Married

“That you can change no one except yourself. That the problems before marriage only amplify after marriage, especially kids. I wish I paid attention to my ex not being proactive or interested in self-growth or growth in the relationship. I wish I knew that most relationship problems stem from wounded inner-child problems, and both partners have to be committed to acknowledging and working on them.”
—Rebecca, 41

“Can I say I wish I knew how capable [my partner] was at living a secret life while presenting the personality of the ‘dream man to be married to’? I was married so young, partly for love and partly because of the fear of going through life alone. I wish I could sit with 19-year-old Beth now and let her know that the strength and bravery she is often ‘teased’ for (because in that religious community, women were not meant to be brave and strong) was actually something to celebrate—and it would carry her toward all her dreams if she stepped forward into them. That I don’t need a partner to make sure I am okay along the way.”
—Beth*, 31

“It wasn’t a matter of wishing what I knew—I did know, so it was a matter of knowing and ignoring. Today we call that ‘red flags.’ I know that each time I saw one of these flags, I remember exactly what I told myself in order to convince myself the behavior wasn’t a big deal, or it was related to a specific event that wouldn’t occur again. I wish I knew that I was enough as I was: curious, entrepreneurial, beautiful, funny, intelligent, and insightful. I wish I knew that I could trust myself, and that I was more than my appearance, more than what others thought of me—I was my depth of experience, even just in my mid-to-late twenties.”
—Pia, 57

“I wish I knew I was strong enough at the time. I would have kept that child and done it on my own—I wish I knew I didn’t have to get married. I was strong enough a year and a half later to say this isn’t working and I’m going to stand up and walk away—which was a lot harder, to break up a family.”
—Lauren, 50

On the Most Unexpected Parts of Marriage

“How hard it is to be with that one person day after day, tackling all the obstacles, managing time, money, energy levels, kids’ needs, our own needs. I never knew it would be so hard to work with someone and I never knew that there would be days that I would hate my partner. It is messy to be human and it is messy to do it with another and with kids.”
—Pia, 57

“The ability to lose one’s identity—I became a shell of a human always been known as ‘Beth plus…’ instead of ‘Beth.’ I haven’t ever thought of my career in connection to my relationship status, but in fact, at the beginning of my career life, I was drawn to a career that complimented the marriage I was in. I was heavily accommodating to allow my partner to chase his career dreams and then I would adjust my timeline/career accordingly. Later on in the marriage as I grew older and took steps away from a belief system that taught me ‘to love my spouse was to serve my spouse,’ I was able to dream of a career in business and step outside of my comfort zone.”
—Beth*, 31


“The extended family dynamic, and how much it impacts your life. To say he had an unhealthy relationship with [his parents] would be an understatement. I knew this going into our marriage, but I didn’t know how much of this burden I would take on.”
—Tiffany, 33

“I think the strangest thing is it’s pretty boring. It’s the mundanity of everyday life. When you make a house together and throw in a baby, you think it’s going to be all picket fences and Christmas trees, but it can become monotonous.”
—Lauren, 50

On the Best Parts of Marriage

“A partnership is beautiful when it’s done well. The joy of being fully ‘known’ by someone doesn’t require marriage, but often sits deep within a marriage.”
—Beth*, 31

“The family moments. Those moments when our kids would do something amazingly quirky and we would look at each other with that, ‘OMG, how did we create this perfect creature?” look. Or when he would play the banjo and the kids would dance while I knitted or wrote, or did something that looked like I was occupied with anything other than sheer joy, pride, and love. I still miss those moments. We both have new partners now, who, I am confident love our kids, but it’s not the same feeling—I can’t explain it and I think I’ll miss our little family in some way, all my life.”
—Tiffany, 33

“Our youthful enthusiasm and delight about this little human we’d created.”
—Lauren, 50

On Sex and Marriage

“I wish I knew how important sexual compatibility is, and that it won’t change after marriage. If partners aren’t on the same page with regard to frequency, what they like, if they enjoy it, that’s not going to change with marriage, kids. So find someone who is aligned with those important needs.”
—Rebecca, 41

“The best drug in the world is new exciting people, new exciting sex, and the beginnings of something new. You can’t match it. Even in the best relationships, it’s going to go away. Once you’re married, and if you choose to have children especially, of course sex is going to change. You’re exhausted, there are kids in the house. You could be married to Brad Pitt. After some years, he’s just your guy. Over time, the companionship aspect, someone you want to snuggle up on the couch with and just eat takeout with, is completely normal and what we’re all craving.”
—Lauren, 50

Advice for Anyone Currently Married

“If you’re fighting for your marriage to survive, don’t be ashamed to go to a professional, and early. Even if your therapy visits are sporadic, it can be so helpful and validating to have a new set of eyes and ears in the room with you and your spouse. Open-mindedness is key, however, and you might hear some things about yourself that you don’t want to. Just trust that your partner and your therapist are well-intentioned.”
—Carrie, 27

“I think that what’s really important is to be true to yourself, and to not feel like your happiness is because of the other person, or that the other person has to make you happy. Everyone has to take their own personal responsibility. Not blaming your partner is also really important—not using that concept of blame, but figuring out ways to work together to achieve your goals. Aligning your goals is the other thing: how to achieve them together. And doing fun things together. Laughing together, being kind to each other.”
—Neesha, 53

Advice for Anyone Considering Marriage

“Pause and ask yourself why are you doing this. Many of us don’t take that moment to ask the why and allow yourself permission to not do it if you don’t want.”
—Beth*, 31


“Date a lot. Make your list and don’t settle. Your relationship to yourself is most important—you have to make you happy; do your emotional work and take care of you.”
—Rebecca, 41

“First, talk a lot about money, what it means to you. Talk about your parents’ marriages and what you learned from them. Talk about family trauma, secrets, your own trauma—be honest with each other and slowly build a good foundation on which to place your marriage and build from there.”
—Pia, 57

“I have no qualms about the institution of marriage, or the notion of committing oneself to a partner, but always remember that nothing is static. You’re allowed to change your mind, and so are they. The underlying sentiment of marriage, or any other relationship for that matter, should never be rooted in ownership.”
—Carrie, 27

“People should listen to their loved ones more. Oftentimes, in most cases of divorce I see, it’s not uncommon to hear ‘my mom told me…’ or ‘my best friend told me…’ or ‘this person warned me…’ [and regret at not having listened]. It’s helpful to listen to the people who really know us. Judgement can be rather cloudy when you’re dealing with sex and love and desire.”
—Lauren, 50

“Know yourself as much as possible, and be open to discussing the hard conversations. Was it on Man Repeller that I read the idea of renegotiating your relationship every year? I love that. Someone once told me that marriage should feel like a free choice every day, that you’re not bound to the person, but you choose each day to be with him or her.”
—Tiffany, 33

*Names have been changed for privacy reasons.
Interviews have been condensed and edited for clarity.


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